Supernatural's Top 5 Season Five Episodes

We're in the home stretch! Only two and a half weeks to go until the premiere of season six! Today, I'm going to be going over the top episodes of season five. Arguably the most uneven season of the series to date, season five was a bit of a mixed bag. There were still, however, some quality episodes. I have a feeling the order of this list will be the most hotly debated of the bunch. I had internal debates myself. And I KNOW I am going to get some flack for not including a certain episode in the top five. All I can say is, it didn't affect me the same way it did a lot of other people.

As ever, the title of each one is a link to a youtube clip of one of my favorite scenes in each episode.

5. Dark Side of the Moon (5x16)

I was in love with this episode up until the point when they found Joshua and had that whole conversation. I was not a fan of the inclusion of GAHHG (for those who have not read my recaps, GAHHG stands for Great Almighty He Him God) in the show, no matter if never explicitly shown (I refuse to believe Chuck was GAHHG, so shush). But, I did love all of the flashbacks throughout the episode. The fireworks scene in particular, of course. What I also felt, however, was the glaring absence of Jeffrey Dean Morgan as Papa Winchester, especially during the part when it was the night Sam left for Stanford. I want to see that scene, you know! Alas, JDM. Too busy making movies and whatnot. Sigh.

4. The Song Remains the Same (5x13)

I remember when this episode first aired, I was taken aback by how much I had liked it. I thought to myself, "Finally! Season five has finally kicked into gear!" And, well, yes, all of my best episodes of the season are in the latter half of it, so this was sort of a turning point on that end. I always love it when we get to see into the past lives of Mary and John. We also got to meet Michael for the first time, as well as see Anna get burned to a crispy crisp. And Sam got to finally meet his mom! Aww. Let's just dismiss how much Mary and John grew up in the four years from when Dean was almost born to when Sam was six months old. Otherwise you'll just start laughing like me.

3. Swan Song (5x22)

This is a bit of a love or hate episode. Either you love it, or you hate it. I lean in the direction of love, mostly because of how emotionally invested I found myself. If I'm not getting emotionally invested, then it just doesn't sit as well with me - one of the main reasons another episode did not make the top five. Really, this episode makes it so high because of the whole ending, from Dean driving up, Lucifer beating him to a bloody pulp, the montage of flashbacks, Sam taking control and jumping in (no matter how basically ridiculous Sam/Jared looked when he was leaning back to fall in), and Dean's subsequent slump of despair. Imagine if it had actually been a series finale. Man, that would have been a little too gut-wrenching.

2. Point of No Return (5x18)

I contemplated putting this one as number one, and honestly right now I am sort of wavering on the point. But, whatever. I already made the graphic, I didn't save it as one to be edited, so here it stays. In full disclosure, I love it when Dean's in pain and feeling especially downtrodden, so I am perhaps predisposed to like this episode based on that fact alone. But it was still good, the way Sam was so overwhelmed by the situation, how Adam was resurrected and his personality was so completely different from the ghoul version of him we first met, how Castiel gave Dean a beat down and eventually sacrificed himself so they could save Adam, how Dean finally turned around and decided not to say yes after all. I kind of wanted him to, honestly, but oh well. Better to have Sam and Dean finally get back on the same page? I suppose the fans would say yes to that.

1. My Bloody Valentine (5x14)

"What! You don't have "The End" as number one?!" No! I do not! So there! I know a lot of people are in love with that episode, but I'm not. I'm not saying Jensen didn't have a great set of double performances, he did. And of course it's a strong episode overall, but I just wasn't emotionally invested. Maybe I'm crazy, but I loved My Bloody Valentine so much more. The way things amped up more and more throughout the episode. And Famine was so gross. I was grossed out a lot in this episode, but also rather enthralled. The Evil Cupid fake out, Castiel having burger after burger, Sam eventually unable to contain his desire for demon blood, Famine telling Dean he was dead inside. The only parts I did not like were the bits with the random couples in the beginning. I know they were necessary, but I almost always fast forward through those parts in every episode after the first viewing! Whoops.

Honorable Mentions: The End (5x04), Changing Channels (5x08)

Next week I am debating between either: ranking the seasons, the finales, or the premiere episodes. The following week, the week of season six's premiere (Sept. 24th at 9pm on The CW), I will be doing a list of the top 10 episodes overall.


To check out my other various Supernatural lists: Click!

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...Set: Supernatural 5x22 "Swan Song"

Oh my GAHHG, what a roller coaster of an episode. (GAHHG, in case you've forgotten, stands for: Great Almighty He Him God.) People are dead, people are back to life. I'm thinking the Impala is going to be destroyed because of all the focus it was getting. It was a somber episode that took its time, and really felt as though it could have been a series finale, up until that final shot, of course. And I have my theories as to how it would've ended had there not been a season six, but I'll discuss that when I get there.

Because here we motor into recaptown (and the return of our favorite "THEN" with Kansas' Carry On, Wayward Son. It does not disappoint). Kripke and company are giving us a little info on the backstory of the Impala before it came to be in John Winchester's hands. This history is all being narrated by our returning prophet Chuck, who gets to do all of the subsequent little bits throughout the rest of the episode, detailing one very important, uh, detail, that becomes very, well, important, in a much later scene. Rather than keep returning to these Impala scenes each time they occur, here's the general breakdown: some bible thumper first owned it, then Dean convinced John to buy it, then little Sam got an army man stuck in one of the ashtrays, then little Dean put some legos down the vents, and all of these little quirks are still here today, even after Dean had to rebuild her from the bottom up. Dean, such a sentimentalist. And when the boys had some time off, and it was a clear night, they'd just hang out and look up at the stars. Excuse me while I wipe a tear.

Ahem, okay. In main storyland, Dean tells Sam that he's on board for the whole plan - Sam says yes, then they open Lucifer's cage and Sam gains enough control to jump in, locking Lucifer back up. They have some meaningful talks, wherein Sam tells Dean that he doesn't want him to try to bring him back once he's gone. He wants him to go find Lisa and live the normal, apple pie life they never got to have. Sniff.

Meanwhile, they've bled a couple of demons, and now it's time for Sam to hulk up. He says goodbyes to Bobby and Castiel, asks Dean to please not watch him be so gross and drink gallons upon gallons of bloody blood blood, and then it's time for them to go meet Lucifer in that preordained yes location - Detroit. Sam and Dean head up to face off with him (and Sam kills some other demons with barely a flick of his too long-haired head - WHOA AWESOME), but then start to get panicked when Lucifer reveals he knows their whole plan to get him back in the cage, but he's willing to give it a go against Sam. Dean tries to get Sam to change his mind, but he says the big YES. And big white flash WHOOSH!

Sam's on the ground. Dean does the ring thingamabob stuff into the wall and the cage opens up. Sam steps over to the cage, and we think he's going to jump in but SURPRISE! Lucifer was just toying with poor Dean's head and pretending to be Sam. He quickly shuts the cage doors and blips out of there, leaving poor Dean all alone.

Lucifer has a little mirror chat with Sam, telling him it was always meant to be this way. They are two halves of the same whole, and Sam never felt right in his own family, etc. etc., so on and so forth. He has also brought what he considers a treat for Sam - all of the various people throughout his life that Azazel apparently had watching over him. And he gets to kill them all. I have to give big props to Jared Padalecki for the way he played Lucifer once again. So awesome.

Dean, Cas and Bobby are watching some store TVs as the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. Dean wants to know what they can do, but the other two basically tell him there's nothing left to do. Hope, she is lost and forgotten. Lucifer and Michael are meant to meet at some specific battlefield spot at some specific time, and they don't know where that is. Dean is having none of this tomfoolery and calls up Chuck, who, being a prophet and all, knows that it's going down at Stull Cemetery near Lawrence, Kansas. Well, this thing has just come full circle, my friends!

Lucifer and Michael, in Adam's meatsuit, meet up on the field, and Lucifer goes about his usual hissyfit shenanigans, complaining about their totally mean dad GAHHG and how he so totally doesn't get it, and come on, bro, let us run away together! Michael calls him out on his childish tendencies and says he will follow through on Dad-GAHHG's wishes. But lo! What is this we hear? It can't be! But it is! It is the guttural ka-chunk-chunks of the Impala, with Dean at the wheel! Mikey and Luci are none too happy to see this human fellow crash their party, and prepare to probably smite him or some such, but then Castiel shows up and is all, "Hey, assbutt!" (no, really, that's what he says) and throws some holy oil fire on Michael to give Dean a chance to get through to Sam.

Lucifer, ever that arse of a hole, gets very upset with Castiel for messing with his brother, because that's his job, duh, so in retaliation he EXPLODES CASTIEL INTO BITS AND BITS! AAAAH! And then he turns to poor old Bobby, who came with Cas, because probably Cas can't drive, and what does Lucifer do? HE BREAKS BOBBY'S NECK! We barely have time to even register these huge deaths before Lucifer turns his attention back to Dean and starts to beat the living hell out of him. I mean, really, really, really, beat it. His face becomes barely recognizable! Lovely Jensen Ackles' face! How dare he!

While he's doing it, though, his eyes chance upon a glimpse of that army man stuck in the ashtray inside the Impala that we saw earlier and then! Then, just like that, Sam's memories start flowing, from when they were kids to all of their time together the last five years. And I wonder how many episodes all of the clips were from throughout this whole episode, because it would be kind of cool if they had one from each, but I don't know if they had enough time. Maybe some erstwhile fan will figure this out.

ANYWAY, I digress. Because right, Sam's memories come back and he takes control! Yay, Sam! Go, Sam! We always knew you could do it, Sammy! He pulls the rings out of his pocket (well, Sam clearly must have had some control earlier, because why wouldn't Lucifer just destroy those rings rather than keep them with him?) and proceeds to re-open the cage. That's when Michael shows back up, telling Sam that he can't do this because Lucifer and Michael are meant to battle. But Sam's having none of that. He falls back into the cage, taking Michael with him. SAAAAAMMM! And as I promised, here's my theory. And I'm sure it's nearly everyone's theory, but you get to hear it anyway. I bet that if this really had been the end of the series, both Sam and Dean would've gone down into that hole, sacrificing themselves for everyone else. You know it. They live to be martyrs, those two.

But, this isn't the end. Dean must go on living. Luckily, however, guess who comes back! Castiel! What! He's back, and back as an angel, no less, thanks to, he thinks, GAHHG. And he promptly brings Bobby back as well. Rather than stick around, however, he thinks he should probably go back up to Heaven to sort out the mess that has surely erupted now that Michael is gone. Dean and Bobby share a goodbye, and in voiceover from Chuck, we learn that they won't see each other for quite some time, but that Bobby goes back to hunting (a Rugaru, for those who are curious).

Dean, however, follows through on Sam's wishes, and goes and finds Lisa. He says he'd like to come in and have a beer, if it's not too late. Lisa tells him it's never too late. So he goes in, and it's not clear if a lot of time has passed or if it's that same night, but one night while he's having dinner with Lisa and Ben (who we don't actually get to see the face of because clearly the kid who played Ben could not be there yet again), outside the house, a streetlight flickers out. And then, who should be standing under that streetlight but... Sam! But is it really Sam? He stood there watching Dean eating with Lisa and Ben but didn't look that happy about it.

Well, people, we're going to have to wait until next season to find out what happened and where things go from here. And I have to say that, while many people have voiced reservations over the show continuing and possibly outstaying its welcome, I am rather looking forward to what next the Winchesters must face.

What did everyone else think? Were you satisfied? Did you cry some tears like me? Did you think the Impala was going to bite the big one too? Are you going to watch next season? Are you sick of me asking questions yet?

During the hiatus time, I'll be filling the void of Supernatural by watching old episodes and doing recaps of those, and probably also doing some best of (and worst of?!) lists. I have a whole host of lists I could do. Be afraid, be very afraid. Or excited. Whichever.

Quotes:

"Ah, ain't he a little angel." - Dean, about a sleeping Castiel
"Angels don't sleep." - Sam

"Take care of these guys, okay." - Sam
"That's not possible." - Castiel
"Then humor me." - Sam
"Oh, I'm supposed to lie. Uh, sure. We'll be fine." - Castiel

"Hey guys, is your father home?" - Dean

"Chock full of Ovaltine, are we?" - Lucifer

"Such anger, young Skywalker." - Lucifer

"It's starting." - Castiel
"You think, genius?" - Dean
"You don't have to be mean." - Castiel

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" - Dean

"Dean, even for you, this is a whole new mountain of stupid." - Lucifer

"Hey! Assbutt!" - Castiel

"Sam, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you." - Dean

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x21 "Two Minutes to Midnight"

After last week's kinda-sorta-maybe-a-lot disappointing outing that involved a lot of talking, talking, and more talking, this week things amped back up. And we got quite a long recap to fill us in, you know, in case we hadn't been paying attention. I can't wait to see next week's recap, the always good "Carry On, Wayward Son" belting in the background. Should be awesome! But I'm getting way, way ahead. Anticipate, much?

Tonight's events started in Davenport, Iowa, where a kindly elderly lady was greeting her returning doctor, who we come to know rather quickly as that dastardly yucky Horseman by the name of Pestilence (played by Matt Frewer, of Max Headroom fame.... and also of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids fame, if you grew up in my era). He gives her a whole host of diseases, one of which I remember to be Dengue Fever, and something Japanese, and the chicken pox, plus a couple other things. She proceeded to die after spitting out a bright green splooge into his face. GROSS. But for some reason, the fact that it was bright green made it less gross than if it was, say, mucus green. Am I right?

Back up a day to the brothers Winchester hanging out at Bobby's place, arguing about the whole sacrificing Sam to get the devil into the cage plan. While there, they get a call from Castiel, who has mysteriously materialized in a hospital, only to find himself completely stripped of his angel-ness! He can't just zap over there now, he's gonna have to take a plane, and get money, and food, and painkillers. Welcome to the human world, buddy. It's not always fun.

In any event, the boys head over to Davenport to find Pestilence. They finally catch up with him, only to be slowed down by a whole host of other diseases Pesty decides to foist on them. Things aren't looking so good for the boys, but then Cas shows up just in time! Only he starts to get diseased too, luckily he is able to cut off Pesty's ring before fully succumbing. And that's all we see of Pestilence? SHEESH. Could we not have had a bit more of him and less of a random demon last week? Bizarre choice. Before he blips out of there, Pesty tells them it's too late. They figure he must have set up some kind of disease bomb somewhere earlier.

The boys head back to Bobby's, and Crowley shows up. He knows where Death is, because as was hinted at last week, Bobby gave him his soul on loan to do so. There's also that pesky Ziveus Pharmaceuticals vaccine for the swine flu about to be distributed all over the place, which is really the Croatoan virus in disguise. The boys decide they've got to split up to take care of business, so Dean and Crowley head for Chicago, where Death be brewing, and Sam, Castiel and Bobby head over to wherever Ziveus' distribution plant is. But not before Sam and Dean have a patented Brotherly Moment, and also not before Crowley GIVES BOBBY HIS LEGS BACK! That's right, Mr. Singer, Crowley decided to give you a break from some stupidity and give you your legs back without you asking. The idiocy of these guys, sometimes, I swear. Of course, it's probably got some kind of price down the line, but for now, Bobby is happy.

Sam, Bobby and Cas arrive at the plant just as one of the trucks is about to leave. They cause a ruckus, and that evil janitor from last week sets loose some of the virus inside the warehouse. That leaves Sam and Bobby to start shooting up the infected while saving the innocents. Sam is about to get choked to death (Sam's getting choked? I am shocked and amazed at this turn of events!), but Cas comes in just in time. That's twice in this episode alone. OH, and, before they did all that, Cas informed Sam that he actually agreed with his plan, but that there were a couple bits of information he needed to know first. One, he'd have to start really drinking in the demon blood to be strong enough to hold Lucifer, and two, Michael, as we suspected, has taken Adam as his vessel. So if Sam can't control Lucifer, there will still be a fight. Hopefully we get to see Adam/Michael next week!

Meanwhile, Crowley and Dean are in Chicago. They think they've tracked down Death, but he's not where he was supposed to be. So, they're about to head out, when Crowley figures out where Death really is - some apparently famous pizza place. Crowley doesn't stick around to see Dean go have a chat with Death (Julian Richings). It's rare to see Dean genuinely as afraid as he was in the presence of Death, but oh was he seriously spooked, particularly once Death took his only weapon - Death's very own scythe. Yeah, Crowley gave that to him earlier, which was kind of pointless because Death just took it back before it was ever used on any of the things they said it could be used on - demons, angels, reapers, Death him/itself.

Basically, their conversation boils down to this: Death is fed up with Lucifer keeping him chained to him, he wants to be free to do whatever the heck he wants (which probably includes killing GAHHG - that's God, for those who don't remember). As such, he's inclined to give Dean his ring, if Dean will promise him something. That something is to go through with Sam's plan to say yes, then jump into the cage. Dean agrees, Death gives him the ring, and proceeds to start giving him instructions as to what to do. How nice that he had instructions! It's not like all of this came at the last minute or anything!

The aftermath scene finds Dean and Bobby having one of their chats. Dean admits that he lied to Death about letting Sam go through with it, but I'm thinking it will probably happen. The preview for next week basically gave that much away. But I also saw a photo from the last episode, and all I will say is HMMMMM. If what that picture seems to indicate is actually happening, I will say a big fat I told you so to a couple people. And then have a cackle to myself all muahahaha style.

The only thing about all of this is that we know they are either going to survive or be brought back, simply by knowing of the existence of a season six on the horizon. Just because of that, the stakes aren't so big as they would be if this were the end. If this were the end, I think they'd have both gone out fighting. But now, who knows! What happens after an apocalypse?

Oh, and for those who haven't heard the full version of Jen Titus' "O Death" - Click!

Quotes:

"Eunice Kennedy?" - Sam
"That's the beauty about improv, Sammy, you never know what's gonna come out of your mouth." - Dean

"I don't understand your definition of good news." - Castiel

"Did you kiss him?" - Sam
"Sam." - Dean
"Just wondering." - Sam
"NO!" - Bobby
Crowley shows the proof.
"Why'd you take a picture?" - Bobby
"Why'd you have to use tongue?" - Crowley

"You kill demons. Gigantor over there has a temper issue about it." - Crowley

"Let me guess, we're about to have a talk." - Dean

"You two are lucky you have your looks." - Crowley

"All right, well, good luck stopping the whole zombie apocalypse." - Dean
"Yeah, good luck killing Death." - Sam

"Bobby, you just gonna sit there?" - Crowley
"No, I'm gonna Riverdance." - Bobby

"This is getting maudlin, can we go?" - Crowley

"Balls!" - Bobby

"Hey, let's stop for pizza." - Crowley
"What are you, kidding?" - Dean
"I just heard it was good, that's all." - Crowley

"Actually, these things can be useful." - Castiel, about shotguns

"But what about Chicago?" - Dean
"I suppose it can stay, I like the pizza." - Death

"How'd the Rockette's audition go?" - Dean
"High kick's fair, boobs need work." - Bobby

"What exactly are you afraid of - losing, or losing your brother?" - Bobby (I think we all know the answer to that!)

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x20 "The Devil You Know"

Things are getting down to the wire with the apocalypse, and the boys are set on a new mission to find the last two rings of the Four Horsemen - Pestilence and Death - because, in case you don't remember, once they have the four rings, they can put Lucifer back in the cage they sprang him from. Got it? Got it.

This episode really was just like a staging set up for the next two. Not a ton happened when you think about it, really. There was a lot of chatting and such blah blah. At least next week looks pretty awesome. But here's the thing that particularly bugged me about bits of this episode. Sam has been on the road to self-redemption this season, and it's been all about him fighting his supposed destiny and whatnot, and up until this point he'd really been doing that. Sure, he still has anger, but suddenly it seemed to be in full force here. He was Dark Crazed Sammy all the sudden. Buh-huh? Whatever. Jared could stand a little bit of a hair trim, too, if we're getting nit-picky. Because you know, I re-watched "Free to Be You and Me" the other day and ho-damn did he look fine in that episode.

I digress. On to the actual recap. We start out in some sort of lab where a couple of dudes in white lab coats are discussing the apparent new vaccine for the swine flu that they are supposed to start testing on humans, but neither of them think its ready yet. Then a shady janitor is like, "I'M THE ONE DOING THE TEST, FOOLS!" and stabs one of them with a needle full of something shady, which I'm sure we should all know by now would be one Croatoan virus. Shady Demon Janitor locks up the guys, and the stabbed one presumably goes nutso and kills his buddy. "IT HAS WORKED SO WELL!" Shady Demon Janitor mumbles to himself. Perhaps I'm paraphrasing? I would never!

After the splat-card that continues to be awesome, and I will be surely sad to see it go next season, we catch up with Dean and Sam, who are checking out an apparent swine flu infestation in some random town. They are quite certain it's Pestilence, but after they chat up Bobby via cellphone, they realize they have not a clue how to find him, other than to "head east" - toward 3/4 of the continental United States. Well, this shall be easy as pie! But, lucky for them, they get a sudden little visit from the demon Crowley, who we met back in "Abandon All Hope." You know, the one who gave them the Colt and told them to kill old Lucifer.

During a roadside chat, Crowley tells the brothers Winchester that he wants to help them out in this whole plan to get Lucifer back in his cage. Sam is very mistrustful, indeed, of this demon, but Dean's on the fence. He thinks Crowley has a bit of a point. The next part of Crowley's plan involves finding Pestilence's right-hand man, a demon we will come to know as Brady. And guys, do you know who plays Brady? Eric Johnson, who was Whitney on Smallville, back when it didn't suck so bad! And well dayum, Eric, but I never knew you had such awesome acting in you based on that! But, back to this particular show. Brady is pestering his underlings at Niveus Pharmaceuticals to get their vaccine up and running, then goes and has a chat via chalice with Pestilence, who basically tells him he needs to work harder, yada yada. You see? A lot of talking going on so far.

Crowley takes Dean to go after Brady, because he doesn't like Sam, so Sam stays behind and whines to Bobby. But then he submits his idea for how to get Lucifer in the cage. He thinks that since Bobby was able to fight off that demon back in "Lucifer Rising," he, that is to say, Sam, will be able to do the same with Lucifer. So basically, he'd say yes to Lucifer when they're by the cage, then force him inside. Bobby tells him he's an idiot, for certain, because Sam would not be able to fight Lucifer off. He's angry and such.

Meanwhile, Crowley sends Dean up to have a chat with Brady. He wants to sell him the rings for some mysterious payment. Brady says that's ridiculous and starts to beat Dean up. Crowley shows up in the nick of time to toss a bag over Brady's head and then beat his head a lot a lot a lot. They stuff him in the Impala and start to head off for that ramshackle shack Sam's at, but Crowley doesn't want to because Sam apparently has a mystery history with this Brady guy. Dean's like screw to the you and takes Brady back anyway. And that's where we learn that Brady was a guy Sam went to college with, and was also the guy who introduced him to Jess. He had a demon on his shoulder all the way back then. Dun dun dun?

At any rate, Sam wants to gank him, but Dean holds him back. Crowley tries to get Brady to tell them where Pesky Pestilence is, but he's not going to, because he knows he's going to be killed either way. Welp, says Crowley, see ya! Dean and Sam have a minor hissy with each other over trusting a demon, but Crowley turns back up, to say that he just informed a demon that Brady was in cahoots with him in trying to kill Lucifer, so now Brady is equally as screwed. But, what's this? It appears that Crowley was followed by a hellhound! Using a mystical scrying coin that he had also previously placed in the Impala to spy on the boys. Right, I forgot to mention that. That's how he found them before. Anyway, Crowley appears to disappear yet AGAIN, but comes back AGAIN, this time with his own hellhound. The hellhounds fight all invisibly while our intrepids get away.

Crowley bids the brothers adieu after getting the location information on Pesky Pestilence they were looking for from Brady. After he poofs, Sam has his showdown with Brady. Brady taunts and taunts and taunts Dark Crazed Sammy about how he hates the demons because he hates himself and boo hoo, here's a knife in the gut for you! I thought that Sam might try to exorcise the demon, but apparently not. Dean watches, rather disturbed and displeased.

Back at Bobby's place, Crowley pops in to have YET ANOTHER little chat, this time about how to find Death. Bobby shoots him in the arm or leg or something because Crowley is being all round-abouty, as he is wont to do. It turns out that he can get them the location of Death, if Bobby is wiling to give over his soul. Crowley claims it would only be temporary. Is this to be believed, however? Will Bobby do it?

The preview for the next episode showed Dean sitting down with Death, so we know they find him in some fashion. I hope it's a little more action, a little less talky talk talk talk... talk talk talk.... talk! But that's just me.

Quotes:

"Check it out, I look like the King of Pop. ... Too soon?" - Dean

"Did you just say when the statues started crying?" - Doctor
"What? No, no..." - Sam
"Who would say that? Huh? Crazy people." - Dean
"Exactly." - Sam
"Which we're not." - Dean
"Noooo." - Sam

"Fancy a fag and a chat?" - Crowley

"I never!" - Crowley

"Oh, crap. Crap. Crap!" - Dean

"That's what you get, working with a demon." - Crowley

"Where's your moose?" - Crowley

"I told you!" - Sam
"Oh well good for youuuu." - Dean

"I'm invested. Currently." - Crowley

"Well then get the hell off my property before I blast you so full of rock salt you crap margaritas." - Bobby

"You think I'm a natural born idjit?" - Bobby

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x19 "Hammer of the Gods"

Based on the preview from last week, a viewer would have not a clue that this episode was actually going to be relating to our main apocalypse storyline. I'm glad it did, though, because how lame would a stand alone episode have been at this point in the game? But also sort of lame so late in the game? The boys suddenly finding out a super special secret plan that only Gabriel seemed to know. Really. No one else knew about this? I find that hard to believe. But I'm jumping ahead.

The episode started out seeming like a stand alone, even featuring a patented location card of Muncie, Indiana (not that we care). Some police-ish dude walking around a demolished hotel that is slowly putting itself back together, then meeting a creepily upbeat hotel manager who promptly kills him. And with all of the good transitions into the splat title card they've been doing lately, I was a little disappointed with this one. Come on, you could've splatted right with the blood! Psh.

In any event, the boys show up at the Elysian Fields Hotel (oh my, could that be a clue?!) after getting detoured there during a freak rain storm. Everything appears to be bright and perky at this hotel at first, with mountains of pie to please the newly-re-energized Dean, as well as some Casa Erotica. Don't even front, Sam, we know you watch that stuff. However, this motel turns out to be not so great after all! O.M.G. What a surprise. I think I might have a heart attack and die from not surprise! (Name that movie reference!)

Luckily, though, the brothers Winchester cotton on almost immediately to the strangeness of this hotel, and start investigating, leading them to a meat locker full of innocent people. But before they can free those poor schmucks, they're detained by what turn out to be a bunch of Pagan gods. The ones who get the special name treatment are: Kali, Odin, Ganesh, Baron Samedi, and Baldur. Oh, and that hotel manager is Mercury. If you're not entirely sure who these gods are, don't worry, you'll never really find out.

These gods are having a confab about the whole Western religion apocalypse doom and gloom pestering the world of late, and they lured Sam and Dean here for bargaining chips to somehow get Lucifer and Michael out of the way or some such. As they are discussing their plans, though, guess who pops in to say hello! Why, it's Gabriel, formerly known as the Trickster, and to these gods as Loki. Because they're too stupid to realize who he really is. Actually, for being gods, they didn't seem to have any sort of powers except for Kali. A hand through the chest is all it takes to kill these dudes? Well, jeez.

Gabriel has a chat with the Winchesters, wherein Dean basically calls him a wuss and tells him to stand up to his brother, yada yada. The gods try to kill Gabriel because it turns out Kali actually knows who he really is. Oh, and they had some sort of romantic thing in the past. It doesn't really matter all that much. Eventually Dean tells the gods that he and Sam will play ball and work together to kill Lucifer. They just have to call him up.

Turns out, they don't need to, because Mercury already has, to his everlasting regret, I'm sure, because Lucifer rewards him by killing him. And then goes all badass rather than just being a whiny babypants, and kills the rest of the gods. He's about to do in Kali, but then Gabriel shows up just in time and gets Sam and Dean to whisk her away. He and Lucifer then whine a bit to each other about their plight. Gabriel has sided with the humans. Lucifer says sucks to be you and kills him! Yep, another one bites the dust. So long, Richard Speight, Jr., you were usually a fun guest star.

But Gabriel has one last surprise for the Winchesters. He told them to take that Casa Erotic DVD with them, so they fire that baby up. And here's where that aforementioned lame duck excuse of a last minute plan is revealed. Gabe reveals that the boys aren't going to be able to kill Lucifer, but there is a way for them to put him back in his cage in Hell. All they have to do is find the key to the cage. Or rather, keys. And what are these keys? Why, they are the rings of the Four Horsemen. And they already have two of them, from War and Famine. So now they just have to get the last two - Pestilence and Death. While evading Lucifer and the other angels, natch. Is anyone else sort of disappointed in this plan?

And then we get a really gross scene showing Pestilence. And. Blugh. Barf. Nasty. Flies are buzzing as he enters a convenience store. He then proceeds to cough nasty splooge all over everything, including the store worker's face. It looks like the nastiness of this dude will rival that of our ole Famine. YIGH.

Was anyone else a little taken out of the moment when the Ghostfacers thing came on? I didn't know if it was supposed to look like an interruption, or like a commercial. It turns out it was maybe a combination leaning toward the latter, but it confused me because the tone was so different from this episode. Anyway, I've watched the first four of the webisodes so far, and they're good for a laugh.

The preview for next week actually was decent this time around! I have an idea what the episode might actually be about?! What! Why, that's not the point of a preview at all!

Quotes (not many this week... there were a LOT of speeches):

"Heaven, right?" - random dude
"Trust me, pal. Better." - Dean

"Sam. Unpucker man, eat something." - Dean

"What are you, twelve?" - Sam
"I'm young at heart." - Deam

"Creepy." - Sam
"Broke the needle." - Dean

"Don't mock my world turtle!" - ? Iroquois dude? I never saw his name tag.

"Those guys are either gonna dust you, or use you as bait. Either way, you're uber-boned." - Gabriel

"I'll take your voices away." - Gabriel
"We'll write it down." - Dean
"I'll cut off your hands." - Gabriel
"Well then people are gonna be asking, why are you guys running around with no hands?" - Dean

"Now we can take out the devil together, or you lame asses can eat me. Literally." - Dean

"You'd think I'd give Kali my real sword? That thing can kill me." - Gabriel

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x18 "Point of No Return"

Supernatural turned 100 tonight with this ultra intense episode that also seemed to feature quite a lot of references to certain homo-erotic tendencies the show has from time to time. A couple lines had me laughing just because I know they’ll cause either fits of glee or mountains of uproar. For the most part, though, this episode, appropriately titled “Point of No Return,” was all about the angsty drama-rama, and featured a surprise appearance I had not a clue about until the “THEN” sequence that altogether gives too much away sometimes. Did everyone else know? I’ve been keeping away from spoilers.

Now let’s get this recapping business going, shall we? We begin with Zachariah, drowning his sorrows and lamenting to what will soon be an angel-fried dude named Stewart about all of his years of hard work, all for naught. But then he gets a call from the boss man, and it appears he’s given another chance to set things straight.

Meanwhile, in a heartbreaking scene, Dean is packing up all of his belongings. His leather jacket! The keys to the Impala! His trusty pearl-handled gun! But before he can send that off and go and say yes, Sam shows up to stop him. And herewith begins many of the reverse similarities to the end of last season. Instead of Dean going after Sam, it’s now Sam going after Dean. Tables, they are turning. Dean is ready to put up a fight, but Sam has brought in backup in the form of Castiel, and with that – WHOOSH!

Bobby’s place. Everyone is giving Dean guff about his giving up, but then Cas gets a weirdo headache and does a SOLO WHOOSH off to forest unknown. There, he meets a couple angels he ka-pows, and then pulls something trying to push its way out of the ground. Now, if we hadn’t seen that “THEN” sequence earlier, it might have actually been a surprise as to who it was. But alas, all of the camera angles back at Bobby’s to keep us in suspense were for naught because, HELLO, we just saw that one Adam Milligan (Jake Abel), the Winchesters’ half-brother who was killed back in season four, was going to be in this episode. Obviously, why else feature him in the “THEN?”

Adam comes to, and it turns out the angels have been talking to him in heaven. They’ve told him he’s the vessel for Michael, and he’s going to save the world. Naturally, Sam and Dean are against him doing that. While Sam tells him that they’re finding another way, Dean mostly just doesn’t want him to be the patsy for what’s supposed to be his job. Anyhow, this Adam, very unlike the ghoul version, is rather snippity and actually quite like Dean in many ways. He doesn’t care about Sam and Dean and what they want, because his family was his mom, who the angels have promised him he will be able to see again if he does this.

Sam locks Dean up in the super special panic room (another callback to “When the Levee Breaks”), and they have a rather dispiriting chat where Dean basically says that he doesn’t have any faith that Sam wouldn’t say yes. He’s convinced that one way or another, they’d get him to do it. Sam is, understandably (mean Dean!), upset by this, and leaves Dean locked up in there before he can let the manly tears flow. Shortly after he’s left, Cas comes down to check on Dean, hears some sort of commotion inside, and stupidly opens the door to go check what the deal is. Right into Dean’s trap, you have walked, Cas. Dean does that get-rid-of-angels-quick symbol and escapes. And here I will point out the further reverse similarities to WTLB. When Sam was down there, Cas was the one who let him out, but on purpose. Now he does it again, but his intentions were the opposite!

While Sam freaks out about Dean escaping and goes to I guess look for him, he leaves Bobby to watch after Adam, who I keep wanting to call Jake, because that’s his real name and he looks more like a Jake than an Adam. Digression, sorry. But Adam has a dream conversation with Zachariah, and when Sam gets back, Adam’s plum disappeared. Whoopsie daisies.

...Set: Supernatural 5x17 "99 Problems"

Based solely on the preview for this episode, I really had no clue what it was going to be about, and wasn’t really all that excited for it. But hey! Way to go, show! I was happily surprised. While we’re on the subject, did they get rid of the people who used to make the previews? Because they used to be pretty cool. Or maybe that’s just the general promos… hmm. I have to also say that the “THEN” segment just made me wonder when Lisa was going to show up again, which was sort of distracting.

In any event, this episode started with a bang. Dean and Sam were on the run (in the Impala) from, apparently, a bunch of demons. When they meet a roadblock and the demons catch up, things are looking grim. But then the Sacrament Lutheran Militia show up and hose them down with some holy water before shouting some very short exorcism saying. Poof go the demons. Apparently this town knows all about what’s going on, and has armed itself up, with the church as headquarters.

And the church is headquarters because they have themselves their very own prophet in Leah Gideon, daughter of the Pastor, David. I feel like that name has some sort of reference, but as I’m not religious, it means about bupkiss to me. Oh wait, I got it. “They stamped it, didn’t they? Those damn Gideons.” Quick! Name that movie quote!*

Leah has been receiving instructions from the angels about when and where the demons will be. Sam calls up Castiel for some help, but has to leave a message. Meanwhile, Leah gets another message and the boys help out the townfolk in taking down a house of demons, after which Leah tells the town that they have been chosen by the angels to have sunshine and rainbows after this nasty apocalypse business is over with, but they have to follow some rules. Sam is dubious about the rules, but Dean is pretty shut off about the whole thing in general. Enter – Angst! Our brothers’ bestest of friends! Sam tries to get through to Dean about how he’s really the only one keeping Sam sane throughout this whole thing, but Dean decides to blow him off and take a walk.

Sam doesn’t have long to be exasperated, because Cas shows up. Oh wait, I guess he still can be exasperated, because Castiel is completely toasted. He saw a liquor store, he drank it. And he also reveals that this Leah figure is not a prophet, after all! DUN DUN DUN. Dean, meanwhile, finds the townsfolk are trying to run one of their own out of town because he’s not following their new supposed angel-rules. And they end up killing the guy! Things? They be getting’ out of hand.

Because, as Castiel so politely informs us, Leah is actually the Whore of Babylon, who apparently rises with Lucifer and gives false prophecy to drive a bunch of people to Hell. All of the exorcisms have been fake! No wonder they seemed way too easy. I mean, remember the days when it took them a whole episode to get rid of just one demon? In any case, the only way to kill her is with a special Cyprus branch from Babylon, wielded by a true servant of Heaven. Since none of our intrepid heroes currently fit the bill, they seek out Padre Gideon.

They go into the lion’s den, where that evil whore (ha, it’s fun to call someone that and have it literally be true) is getting one particularly gung-ho townsperson named Jane to lock a bunch of people up so they can burn them alive. The Padre tries to kill the evil whore, but since she’s in the guise of his daughter, he can’t do it. Tussle, tussle, fight fight. Dean has a chance to drive the stake through her heart – and he does it. AND IT WORKS. Is he a true servant of Heaven after all? I had a million ideas running through my head about what was going on, but I’ll spare you.

Sam tries to have another conversation with Dean, asking him if the reason he was able to kill that evil whore (this will never get old) is because he’s going to do something stupid. Like, Michael stupid. Dean does the ole shrugaroo, then claims to go outside to get something from the car. Sam’s spidey sense is tingling, as it should, because Dean has just LIED to him. He takes off in the Metallicar to parts unknown. But not really, because we were told from that “THEN” segment that one Lisa-loo would be making an appearance.

So, as you may have guessed, Dean shows up on Lisa’s doorstep. And therein follows perhaps one of the most heartbreaking exchanges in the show’s history. He tells her that he knows where his life is headed, but whenever he imagines himself happy, he sees himself with her and Ben. She tries to get him to stay, but he refuses, though he does tell her he’s going to make sure that she and Ben are taken care of. DEAN!

I mean, it’s sort of become obvious that it’s only a matter of time before he’s going to say yes, but I guess I didn’t expect it to be so heartbreaking. Stupid of me, I know, because it’s all about the angsty heartbreak on this show. I have my dumb moments too, you know, like today when I took the wrong freeway exchange and proceeded to panic my way around desolate parts of the outskirts of downtown Los Angeles until I finally found a road I knew and made my way back to the correct freeway. There may have been a lot of cursing. But I digress.

The preview for next week was all disjointy again, but it looks like the ish is really about to hit the fan. And, you know, it should. Because this has been a kind of quiet apocalypse, and hey next week is already episode 18 and, OH WAIT, it’s also the 100TH episode! Way to go, little show that could!

*That would be from Mission: Impossible, the movie.

Quotes:

“Hate to tell ya this, but those were demons and this is the Apocalypse.” – Militia dude (apparently his name was Rob)

“Whole town of hunters? I don’t know whether to run screaming or buy a condo.” – Dean

“You’ve reached the voicemail of…” – voicemail lady’s voice
“I don’t understand… why, why do you want me to say my name?” – Castiel

“You know me, downright pious.” – Dean

“I guess that’s what it’s like, huh?” – Sam
“What?” – Dean
“Having backup.” – Sam

“No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. Dean, they basically just outlawed 90% of your personality.” – Sam

“I got your message. It was a long message. I find the sound of your voice grating.” – Castiel

“Are you okay?” - Sam
“Don’t ask stupid questions.” - Castiel

“It actually means you, uh, breed with the mouth of a goat. … It’s funnier in Enochian.” – Castiel

“So how do we go Pimp of Babylon all over this bitch?” – Dean

“Sam, of course, is an abomination.” – Castiel

“On a good day you get to kill a whore.” – Dean

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x16 "Dark Side of the Moon"

After last week’s sort of snoozefest (not to dis on a Bobby episode, but come on), this week really amped things back up! I’d say it ranks pretty high on my favorites-of-this-season list. Could it be because we got to see a bunch of awesome past guest stars? Some more family memories of the Winchesters growing up? Some answers to the whole search for God thing that has not been mentioned but a peep since around episode two? Why Auntie Em, it’s all three!

(I apologize in advance, because this recap is going to be one of the longest on record here. But hey, a lot happened!!)

The episode opens on the boys getting a rude awakening in this week’s random motel in who-knows-where by a couple of other hunters by the names of Roy and Walt. These two aren’t too happy about this whole Apocalypse-schmocalypse, and are there for a bit of comeuppance. They kill Sam, and after debating on whether to kill Dean, pump his guts full of lead as well. And thus begins the episode of awesome, because if you didn’t like that transition from the gun shooting to the title card, then you do not know good when it splats you in the face.

Dean wakes up in the Impala in some abandoned field, and when a teenage Sam (Colin Ford! Always good to see him!) comes up to him with a box of fireworks, he assumes he must be having a wacky dream that has morphed into this specific, totally sweet 4th of July memory. But the memory soon gets disturbed by Dean remembering he’s been killed. Then he gets a call of sorts from Castiel on the Impala’s radio. Castiel informs Dean that he’s died and gone to Heaven, and that he has to follow his “path” – which happens to be just a regular old road, since the Winchesters tend to be sort of literal.

Dean follows the road and finds Sam reliving a memory of his first real Thanksgiving (with someone else’s family, no less). Dean gives him the lowdown, after which some weird light and shaky-shaky happens. Castiel gets in contact with them again and informs them that the light is Zachariah looking for them. They need to avoid that light and follow their road, to get to the Garden in order to talk to the angel Joshua, who apparently has a direct line of communication with the Great Almighty He Him God. Yes, we shall call this “god” whatsit GAHHG from now on. Well, I suppose that may be offensive to religious types, but hey, what do I care?

Anyhow, they follow the road, which leads them to their old house in Kansas back when Dean was a wee lad, and here we get our second guest star in Mary, this time in the form of Samantha Smith. It’s another sweet scene that turns a little sour when Dean remembers that it wasn’t always sunshine and roses for his parents. As Sam puts it, Dean was cleaning up John’s messes even when he was just barely past his toddler years. Aw, wittle Dean!

They head down some more road into a couple of Sam’s memories – both of which feature him running away from John and, by de facto, Dean. Once when he took off for two weeks to Flagstaff (I don’t really remember this being mentioned before, but it probably was at some point), and the second being the infamous “If you leave don’t you ever come back!” time when he left for Stanford. Dean is disturbed that these are his favorite memories, since they happen to be some of the worst times in Dean’s life. Ah, boys, there’s the brotherly angst we know and love! Dean’s favorite memories all have to do with family! Sam’s all have to do with running away from it! Man, these guys have had truly sad and lonely lives. Well, this isn’t news, but it’s always sad to be reminded.

Before they can get into their issues too much, Zachariah shows up with his spotlight. They try to outrun him, literally, but since it’s Heaven and Zac’s an angel, I think we can surmise how that turns out. He taunts them for a bit until, bum bum bum bum, ASH (Chad Lindberg) saves the day! Ah, Ash. So good to see you, too! He gives them some intel about Heaven – it’s not just one place, it’s a bunch of individual places tailor made for each person. And this isn’t the first time Sam and Dean have been behind the pearly gates, they just don’t remember the previous times. He’s figured out how to tap into the Angels’ network and can travel into other people’s Heavens and such, and he also has a visitor wanting to see them. It’s… Pamela (Traci Dinwiddie)!

Pamela and Dean have a chat, wherein Pamela asks Dean whether saying yes to Michael would really be so bad when the people who might be killed would end up in Heaven anyway. Good point, Pam. It’s getting more and more questionable why Dean doesn’t say yes anymore. Ash has, meanwhile, been cooking up a way for the boys to take a shortcut to the Garden.

Alas, however, the door he sends them through just leads them back to their house in Lawrence, to meet a really super creepy version of Mary who taunts Dean, telling him he was a burden and that everyone always leaves him. Zachariah shows up, as it was all his doing, and they have more of their tête-à-tête until Joshua decides to crash the party. He gives Zac a little talking to and sends him packing, then takes the boys to the oft-mentioned (in this episode, anyway) garden.

There in the garden, Joshua does a whole lot of hope slashing. The boys want to talk to GAHHG and get him to help, but Josh informs them that GAHHG’s done helping, he’s already intervened on their behalf more than he has in a long time. In short, they are on their own. Josh sends them back to Earth, but this time they get to remember what happened upstairs.

Castiel is really upset about this news on GAHHG. He looks quite dejected, and gives Dean back his amulet (calling it “useless”! The gall!) before taking off. Sam tries to muster up some good cheer about continuing the fight and finding a way to stop all this Apocalypse hoopla, but Dean’s response is to throw the amulet away on his way out the door. Awww no!

I do have a question, though. Sam makes it up to Heaven, but they send him back down. It makes sense for Zachariah to do that since he wants the whole fight thing to happen, but why should Joshua do it? I guess maybe Lucifer would try to bring Sam back anyway, so it doesn’t matter? Hmm. Hmmmmmm.

Quotes:

“When I come back, I’m gonna be pissed.” – Dean

“You gotta stop poking around in my dreams. I need some me time.” – Dean

“I’m dead.” – Dean
“Condolences.” – Castiel

“How are we in Heaven?” – Sam

“Last time I checked, it wasn’t the road to Heaven that was paved with good intentions.” – Sam

“Yeah well, if this is the Sky Mall, it sucks. I mean, where’s the triplets and the latex, you know? A guy has needs.” – Dean

“What are you doing?” - Sam
“What’s it look like?” - Dean
“Like you’ve lost your mind.” – Sam

“Apparently, you wuv hugs.” – Sam

“You are my little angel. How ‘bout some pie?” – Mary

“This is your idea of Heaven? Wow, this is like one of the worst nights of my life.” – Dean

“Wow. Running from angels. On foot. In Heaven. With out of the box thinking like that, I’m surprised you boys haven’t stopped the Apocalypse already.” – Zachariah

“Guys, come on. You can run, but you can’t run.” – Zachariah

“Buenos dias, bitches.” – Ash

“Like Disneyland. Except without all the anti-Semitism.” – Ash

“Einstein. That man can mix a White Russian.” – Ash

“If it makes you feel any better, we got Ash killed too.” - Dean
“I’m cool with it.” – Ash
“He’s cool with it.” - Dean

“Not to be a downer or anything, but I’m sure I’ll see you again soon.” - Ash

“You can do it all you want, you dick. You’re still bald.” – Dean

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x15 "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid"

My oh my, it feels like forever since last the Winchesters were on my TV set! But back they are. With a vengeance? Ummmm. Points for mixing up the zombie format, but lest we forget, we’ve seen zombies in some form or another on the ole Supes a few times already. This time, instead of a spell or a virus, it was thanks to that pesky Horseman by the name of Death that Lucifer raised some episodes back. Oh yeah, did you forget that happened? I kind of did too.

Anyway, let’s get into this recap, shall we? In Bobby’s town of Sioux Falls, South Dakota, people are raising from the dead. They seem perfectly normal, apart from the fact that they’re dead. After one such dead dude kills the hick that originally killed him, Sam and Dean roll into town to figure out what the dealio is, but get held up by the local sheriff, who figures out they’re not really FBI when they try to pull the ole give her a fake card to call Bobby as their supervisor. How does she know it’s fake? Because she knows Bobby for reals. Whoops!

Bobby, acting a fool.

Bobby assures the boys that nothing’s going on, but they figure out he’s giving them a load of BS when, oh hello, his wife Karen just happens to be one of the zombified! Yep, even though she was cremated, she’s back too. They figure out it must be the Horseman Death doing it, and while Sam goes into town to check on people, Dean stays behind to keep an eye on Karen, just in case she, you know, wants to gobble on Bobby’s brains like the old zombies of yore.

They reunite briefly to chat about their findings (Sam found a creepy lady who wanted to eat him and splooged some reallllllly nasty white goop on his face while Dean chatted up dead Karen, who seemed perfectly nice), then split up again. Sam heads into town to find the sheriff to get some help in killing these zombies once they go bad, which they will all do because they get the munchies. Dean stays behind to keep an eye on Bobby.

Sam ends up having to kill the sheriff’s zombie son after he eats on his dear old dad, then they go round up every other alive person to get to shooting some heads. And might I say that every time they shot a head this episode, it looked really fake? It did. It looked really fake.

Back at Bobby’s, Bobby and Karen have a heart to heart, which ends with him having to kill her again. Bobby can’t catch a break this season. But no sooner has he done it than he and Dean are being attacked by a whole horde of zombies seemingly bent on getting them. Action, action, action, they end up stuck in a closet together about to get attacked but bum bum bum bum! Sam and the sheriff show up just in time to save the day, head explodey style! Like there was ever any doubt.

In the end, Bobby informs the boys that this was all a message. He didn’t figure that out on his own, though, because apparently Karen was told to tell him it was a message. Whether Death wanted to take his life or his spirit, it was a sort of punishment for helping Sam and Dean. And though he has made it through with his life, it’s not quite clear whether his spirit has made it through this ordeal with him.

So, question. They burnt up all the bodies after everything went down, BUT Bobby apparently cremated Karen back in the day, yet she was brought back. What’s to say Death couldn’t just keep bringing people back over and over again?

The preview for next week was super short, but apparently it’s something to do with Zachariah and “One man’s Heaven… is another man’s HELL!! MUAHAHAHA!” So maybe I added the exclamation points and the evil cackle, but it may as well have been there in the ad.

Quotes:

"You gave yourself your own nickname? You can't do that." - Dean

"What is that smell? Is that soap? Did you clean?" - Dean
"What are you, my mother? Bite me." - Bobby

"So you are, in fact, a dead guy?" - Dean

"I can't believe you were going to kill me!" - Clay
"You're a zombie." - Dean
"I'm a tax payer!" - Clay

"Awesome. Another Horseman. Must be Thursday.” – Dean

“Yeah, I’m gonna regret this.” – Sam

“Okay, I’ll hit the town and rescue everyone. Should be easy.” – Sam

“A simple no would’ve been fine.” – Dean

“Don’t you ever get tired of being wrong?” – Bobby
“I make this up as I go. Sue me.” – Dean

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x14 "My Bloody Valentine"

Well, I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever been so grossed out by an episode of Supernatural to date. When the episode started I thought to myself, "This must be Ben Edlund." Indeed! Indeed. He has presented some of the craziest deaths and most memorable suicidal teddy bears, so you know when people start eating each other to death, he's probably behind it. The distended stomach... and the reaching into the fryer with the... and all of that raw beef... and those teeth, you know whose teeth... and... UGH! I was making faces and disgusted noises, I'm sure, throughout the episode, and when Dean came upon that guy face down in the fryer, I was like please, please, please do NOT pull him out of that oil. Thankfully, we were spared that imagery, though my imagination can do its own version. *shudder*

Okay, now that I've got that out of my system! So basically, people have suddenly become crazy in love with each other, to the point where they literally cannot get enough - eating each other alive, or doing some other form of double suicide so they can be together forever. Sam discovers that they all have an Enochian sigil on their hearts and Castiel confirms that they have, in fact, been touched by an angel, of the cherub, third class, variety. They track the dude down and after a hilarious, though meandering, bit where he hugs all of them in turn as a greeting, in all of his naked glory, we find out that he is not responsible for the people going crazy, just for them falling for each other.

A couple other things we find out from this encounter with "Cupid" - a similar angel brought John and Mary together back in the day. Apparently, before that, they hated each other. And it was all to bring Dean and Sam into the world. Although, that seems a little bit strange after last week when they wanted to completely get rid of Sam altogether. Was Anna actually working on her own? Was there someone else making the rules? Kind of weird. We also find out that Castiel can read minds? I don't think this was ever mentioned before. Maybe he can only read a cherub's mind or something? Hmm. Hmm, I say.

They start to figure out what's going on when both Sam and Castiel start acting strangely. Castiel has suddenly developed a taste for hamburgers, thanks to his vessel Jimmy, while Sam has started longing for the taste of demon blood again. Cas figures out that it's actually one of the Four Horsemen they're dealing with - Famine, to be more precise. He rolls into a town and everyone starts going crazy for what they hunger after, whether that be actual food, sex, or, like Sam, some bloody blood blood. But Dean, he seems to not be affected. In fact, he seems to be having a reverse effect - he's not hungry, he doesn't want to go out and bag a lady on his favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. Dean asserts that he gets these things whenever he wants them on a regular basis, so it's not affecting him like it does everyone else. Shenanigans, Dean. I don't believe that is correct. In fact, I surmised the truth before we had to be told what it was. I even said it out loud. To myself, of course, because I was alone. But aloud nonetheless. Should I give it away now? Okay, I will. It's because he feels nothing inside. Nothing inside! Dun dun dun. I'm sure anyone who watches the show on a regular basis could figure that out. More extrapolation on that when we actually get to it, however.

Anyhow, Sam tells Dean that they have to leave him behind while they go after Famine, who has a demon guard dressed like Agents out of The Matrix, don't you know, and Sam won't be able to resist their bloody blood blood. They handcuff him in the bathroom and... I'm sure we have all figured out by now that Famine is going to send him some demons to devour, so don't act all surprised when that actually happens. Dean and Castiel head over to Famine's joint, Big Gerson's (I do believe that is the same place they won the free food at in Bad Day at Black Rock, yes?). Castiel pops in and Dean gives him five seconds before deciding it's been too long, and goes in after him.

And, to all of our dismay, he finds Castiel knee deep in raw beef, unable to control himself. GROSS. Dean gets a little ass kicking from some of Famine's demons, then gets to meet the Horseman himself, in all his grossy, skin peely, yellow teethy, wheelchairy glory. Yes, that is all very scientific. Anyway, Famine tells us what I've already mentioned. The reason Dean has not been afflicted like everyone else is because his soul is empty. He puts on a big show for everyone, but inside he's still broken. I was very reminded of Buffy, I must say, after she came back from the dead, though I have a hard time imagining Dean in a musical singing about how he wants his fire back. Nonetheless, that would be his song to sing.

Anyway! I digress. Sam, all demon blooded up, comes charging in. While Famine tries to get him to keep engorging himself on the rest of the demons there, because apparently Sam can never have too much blood, Sam decides no. He exorcises all of them, though Famine tries to take them into himself. Oh, yes, because he eats souls. I forgot to mention that earlier. Moving on! Famine haves himself a giggle about Sam not being able to kill him like he can demons, but Sam's like "screw you, ugly teeth" (I may be abbreviating slightly) and proceeds to exorcise the demons out of Famine. Which, I guess, kills him? Because they didn't seem to take his ring. I kept wondering why Dean didn't just jump in and cut off the guy's ring during all of this. He didn't want to be left there with all of the demons or something? Seems a little bit flimsy to me, but whatever.

In the end, Dean and Castiel have to lock Sam back up in Bobby's special panic room to detox once again. Dean can't handle hearing crazy Sam screaming like that again, and goes for some air. And, man, Jensen Ackles can just break my heart. He's struggling to keep it together as he looks to the sky, asking for help. And I don't know about you, but it seems like it would be very easy for Dean to say yes to Michael when he has nothing to live for himself. Wouldn't it be easier for him to say yes now, when Lucifer isn't in Sam?

And now, for this week's quotes. There are a fair few!

"Go ahead. Unleash the Kraken. See you tomorrow morning." - Sam, telling Dean to go get his Valentine's Day jollies off

"Refrigerate after opening." - The coroner to the boys, about the harvested organs

"You mean the little flying fat kid in diapers?" - Dean
"They're not incontinent." - Castiel

"Is this a fight? Are we in a fight?" - Dean, after the Cherub has given them all a big, naked, hug
"This is their handshake." - Castiel
"I don't like it." - Dean
"No one likes it." - Castiel

"I believe you upset him." - Castiel

"Exactly. My hunger. It's a clue actually." - Castiel

Half the reason why Castiel's lines are so funny is just based on the delivery of Misha Collins. I'm not always a fan of Castiel, but I am always a fan of Misha, if that makes sense.

Anyway, thanks to the 2010 Winter Olympics (which are taking place in Vancouver BC, actually, where Supernatural, and many other shows, are filmed), we won't be getting a new episode until March 25th. It appears to be about a bunch of zombies. They are really trying to gross me out a lot right now, aren't they?

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x13 "The Song Remains the Same"

Well, I don't know about you, but that episode broke my heart. And has ratcheted right up to my favorite of the season. Thus far, anyway. Though, to be fair, that's not so hard this season, for whatever reason. But! Yes! Loved it. Loved it so very much. Though I will point out that Mary and John aged A LOT between that last scene of pregnant-with-Dean-Mary and the pilot. My one quibble.

Where to begin? Okay, basic plot. Anna has come back from Heaven. She claims that she escaped in a dream message to Dean, but Castiel thinks differently. No one escapes. And he's right. She goes back in time to kill Mary and John before Dean and Sam are born, thus making it so Sam can never be Lucifer's vessel. After some initial squabbling on the matter, Castiel agrees to take Dean and Sam back in time to stop her.

Once back in time (to 1978, I think), Dean and Sam head over to warn the young, yet-to-be-parental Winchesters that they need to get out of dodge. After some battling with Anna, ending with Sam doing that blood symbol on the wall thing that makes them poof out of there, they head to some sort of bunker the Campbells set up in the past. And here Dean tells Mary that he and Sam are her sons, and it was heartbreaking. They tell her that the only way to stop all of this is for her to leave John. But she says she can't - she's already pregnant.

Eventually they are found, though, and this time Anna brings along help - Uriel. The past Uriel, see, as the other one she actually killed back in another favorite episode of mine, "On the Head of a Pin." After she has stabbed Sam to a swift death (yep, he dies again!), and is ready to kill Mary, all of us get a surprise...

Michael! In John's body! I did not expect this! He disposes of Anna and sends Uriel packing back to Heaven until his later Winchester adventures. Michael-John does the mind whammy on Mary, so she and John, once Michael vacates his body, will never remember what has occurred. He then has a little chat with Dean about capital D Destiny, brothers and fathers, or Fathers. And asserts that Dean will eventually say yes, as he is supposed to. He fixes up Sam and sends the pair of them back to the present, to drink to their Free Will. Do they really have said Free Will? It's a question that will continue to be explored, to be sure.

And the last scene of the night is of young Mary and John, setting up a nursery for the soon to be born "troublemaker" Dean, with a prominent Angel watching over it (which Mary got for 25 cents). Angels are watching over him. I don't know about you, but that was haunting.

Interestingly, my favorite moments all were the quieter ones that weren't necessarily serving the main plot. The little bit in the car where John is dealing with finding out monsters are real and telling everyone to shut up or he'll "turn this car right back around!" Awkward family road trip, indeed. When Sam first saw Mary and John, when he told her how beautiful she was, and his whole speech to John about how he never got to tell his dad that he understands now, that he loves him. Oy mama, pulled at my heart strings! And let's not forget Mary finding out that Dean and Sam are her sons, and Dean's bits of proof about the tomato soup with the rice and... um, excuse me while I wipe a tear. Man. The look on Dean's face when Michael tells him that he's wiped their memories, so upset that she'll still walk into that nursery.

Revelatory fact of the evening: Dean is Michael's true vessel, but John is still a vessel. It's in the bloodline, which apparently goes back to Cain and Abel. He also reveals that his vessels do not turn out to be drooling empty-heads after he's through with them, that they can continue on with their lives - unlike that guy we saw who was taken over by Raphael in "Free to Be You and Me."

Basically: wow. I can't say with certain certainty until the season is over, but this episode could possibly be in my top 10 of all time of the show. In case you want to know some of my other favorites: Mystery Spot, In My Time of Dying, Lazarus Rising, What is and What Should Never Be, A Very Supernatural Christmas.... etc. etc. etc.

Though this was a rather serious episode, there were some light moments that get to be included in my...

Potable Quotables:

"So she's gone all Glenn Close. That's awesome." - Dean
"Who's Glenn Close?" - Castiel
"Just this psycho bitch who boils rabbits." - Dean

"So you're like a Delorean with no Plutonium." - Dean
"I don't understand that reference." - Castiel

"I mean, the mustaches alone." - Sam

"Wow. Awkward family road trip." - Dean

"Six degrees of heaven bacon." - Dean

"I am very surprised." - Castiel

Next week: Evil Cupid. Incidentally, I almost wrote a spec episode with that exact idea. Good thing I did not.

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x12 "Swap Meat"

SPN fans, are you satisfied? After much clamoring for a body swap episode throughout Supernatural's run, tonight's episode finally went there. Although, probably not the way people had wanted. No, Sam and Dean did not swap bodies with each other! Blast! I know, I would've liked to see it too, even just briefly. Oh well, it was a quality episode nonetheless, and personally, I think, one of the better ones of this season. I have a theory about why - most of this season has been kind of a back and forth between stand alone and mytharc episodes, whereas back in season 2 (arguably the best one), things from the mytharc were mixed in to each episode more often. This one did the whole stand alone thing, but then went straight back to the themes of the season by the end, to which I say: bravo! Yay!

So how did this whole body swap thing go down, exactly? While Sam and Dean are working a run of the mill ghost case for a former babysitter of theirs, one Gary Frankel spots them in the diner/eatery place he works and does some intense staring at Sam. Later, Sam gets a tranquilizer dart to the neck and afterward, wakes up in the middle of the woods, eventually figuring out, after being picked up by the cops and taken back to Gary's house that he's, yep, in Gary's body! He tries to get a hold of Dean, but Gary has conveniently gotten rid of all of their cell phones. Which Dean doesn't notice? I guess when "Sam" is there, he doesn't need to check his phone? Moving on!

While Gary has a grand old time playing around as Sam, including asking to drive the Impala, then promptly backing it up into some garbage cans, Sam is trying to figure out who Gary is and how this all happened, while dodging parents and sisters and friends. I really enjoyed the way he was like "leave me alone" and "ugh, I'm coming!" when the parents were calling for him. Ha, sounded just like those troublesome teens do. Actually, Jared Padalecki did a great job throughout the episode. And he thinks he's not good at being funny! Silly. Anyway, it turns out Gary's been working some very dark magics. But before Sam can go find him and Dean, he gets sidelined by Gary's friends, Nora (guest star Sarah Drew! Everwood shout out!) and Trevor. And gets tranqed again!

Gary has, meanwhile, tried to kill Dean while they were getting rid of the ghost, but couldn't go through with it. They go out to a bar to drink and celebrate the vanquishing of the ghost, and this is when Dean finally starts to figure out that he's not really Sam, thanks to his positive attitude, and him going off with the cougar. Took you long enough, Dean! At least he did figure it out, though. It would have been kind of ridiculous if he never did.

But! Nora and the Trev-meister have Sam tied up, and we find out what the dealio is. Turns out, the demons have put a bounty on Dean's head and are sending the word out to all of the witches and Satan worshippers of the world. They plan to kill Dean and get rewarded in return. But, because Gary is having second thoughts about going through with actually killing Dean, Trevor decides they've got to call in some big guns - a demon - despite Sam trying to warn them how stupid they are. And stupid he is, because once the demon takes over Nora, she kills Trevor, of course. Duh! Stupid Trevor.

Things could get very bad, however, because she also figures out that Sam isn't in his body. Which means his meat suit is up for grabs! Uh oh. She goes to find them, right when Dean is confronting Gary about who in the hell he is and what he's done with Sam. After Nora-demon beats on Dean for a while, Gary comes through with some Latinating, with help from Dean, to exorcise her. Is it just me, or has exorcising demons gotten a lot easier than it used to be? In any case, the demon smokes out of there.

Afterward, Gary switches with Sam back to their proper bodies, then whines a bit about his life. Sam tells him to grow a pair before he and Dean take off. And here I will note how much Sam and Dean have changed perspectives over the course of the show. In season 1, Sam was pissed about the way they were raised; that they didn't get to have a normal life. Here, he seemed to be at peace with it and actually kind of happy they didn't have the normal suburban lifestyle. Dean, on the other hand, used to think the way they grew up was awesome and cool, but now realizes they were really missing something. Granted, that's been going on for a while with him, but it's interesting anyway how they've kind of turned 180s on the matter. Something they have not turned 180s on? Their taste in music and food, which was nicely featured in this episode as well.

And now, for a smattering of some of my favorite lines of the night, though there were quite a few...

"I would love to have the sex with you." - Gary, in Sam's body, to the cougar woman, after she has had to be pretty explicit about her sexual intentions

"Oh, you shake it up baby." - Dean, about Sam and his shakeable salad

Sam is looking through Gary's stuff... "Smart kid." Sees a bunch of Star Wars t-shirts. "Virgin." Sees a copy of Busty Asian Beauties. "Frustrated virgin."

"You satanic little bastard." - Sam re: Gary and his witchy ways

"Why shouldn't I be happy? I've got a gun, I'm getting drunk. I look like this." - Gary, in Sam's body of course

"That was a nice thing to say." - Dean, after Sam has told Gary he wishes he had his life

"Totally lied. His life sucked ass." - Sam

Next week looks exciting! The boys travel back in time to stop Anna from killing their parents before they were born!

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Supernatural 5x11 "Sam, Interrupted"

Well, it has certainly been a while since last we saw the Winchesters, hasn't it? And it's nice to have their lovely handsome faces back on our screens! Tonight's episode featured the boys going undercover in a mental hospital to track down a monster of some sort killing the patients. And along with the usual guts and action (and there was certainly some nasty stuff involving a q-tip that made me go "blugh" out loud), we also got some insight into these poor schmucks' psyches.

Dean and Sam were tipped off by an old hunting buddy, Martin (Jon Gries), in the (mental) joint himself after something mysterious happened in Albuquerque to send him over the edge. Which we, incidentally, never find out the whole story about. He didn't really seem all that crazy, more like tired. Which is rather poignant for the boys, particularly once we start delving into some of their issues. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Anyway, there have been a bunch of deaths in the hospital made to look like crazy people suicides, but since this is Supernatural, that is clearly not the case. Dean and Sam infiltrate the hospital by basically giving them their true stories: hunt monsters, started the apocalypse, you know, that. Works like a charm. After some rather violating physical entrance exams by one Plucky Nurse (henceforth shall she be named, since I don't remember her given name), they're in.

Their first night in, another patient gets attacked. They head to the morgue to check out his body and discover he's had his brains sucked dry, in a rather gruesome sequence featuring the aforementioned q-tip in the brain and then Sam cutting the top off the guy's head. Luckily we were not subjected to the cutting because, whoa, squick. Dean was squicked too, and waited outside to keep watch. They are, of course, caught at the end of the act, and Dean just pretends to be extra crazy to get out of trouble, yelling "pudding!", pulling down his pants and then, uh, twisting about. Eat your heart out, Plucky Nurse.

At this point they figure out they're hunting down a Wraith, which can be killed by silver, but looks human. Luckily, however, mirrors prove magic once again, because you can see its true form in them. We should keep a tally of how often mirrors show something's true form. 90% of the time, I'd wager. At least things are consistent! Anyway. Dean spots the main Doctor in the mirror looking rather wraith-like, so they hunt him down that night with some silver-plated knives Sam managed to Houdini from who knows where. Sam goes into full attack mode and almost kills the guy before realizing the silver isn't burning him like it would burn a wraith. Some orderlies get him sedated, and he and Dean have a rather hilarious conversation while he's all drugged up. Quotes from that convo at the end of this recap.

Dean heads off to figure out what's going on and that's when he starts to lose his marbles, seeing everyone's faces as the wraiths and starting to talk to himself. Sam, meanwhile, asks the main doctor for forgiveness for trying to kill him, and the doctor basically tells him they'll give him another shot, but he's got some serious rage issues. He was like a man possessed, the doctor says! Home, hit close. Sam heads to find Dean and starts having a hallucination of his own about everyone calling him a freak and it all being his fault the world is ending. The orderlies take him away while Dean watches from a chair, muttering to himself.

Dean is able to pull himself together enough to go talk to Martin again. They figure that crazy is the key. Whatever the wraith is doing, it's making people more crazy, and he and Sam have been infected. He thinks it must have been Kissing Wendy, who, oh right, I forgot to mention her. She randomly kissed both of them earlier on. Details, details. They go to find her but of course, she's now being brain eaten by our Plucky Nurse-Wraith! Yep, it was her all along.

Dean and Martin (ha, Dean Martin), attempt to stick her with one of the silver knives, but she gets away and heads for Sam. She and Sam have a chat about yummy crazy brains and touch more on Sam's inner rage before she goes to eat Sam's lovely brains. Dean enters just in the nick of time to stop her. After some more battling, he kills her dead, and the boys hightail it out of there.

As they're leaving, however, Sam has one of Supernatural's favorite "end of the episode special moments." He confesses that he's angry all the time. He was angry at John and Dean, then Lilith & Ruby and now Lucifer. He has so much rage and he doesn't know what to do with it. Dean, ever helpful with anything remotely involving Sam's feelings, tells him to bottle it back down so they can keep on going. As he puts it, what else can they do? Which is sad, but sort of true. They don't have time for pity parties when the world is ending.

And, I sort of skipped over the stuff with Dean and the fake doctor lady, but I'm going to touch on it here, because it's all very sad. Dean thinks he's talking to a nice young lady doctor assigned to his case, during which he admits to only sleeping 3-4 hours a night, every other night, and estimates that he drinks 50 drinks a week, as he's "gotta sleep sometime." He's never had a long term relationship, and the weight of the world on his shoulders makes it hard to get up in the morning. Even more unsettling is the fact that she turns out to be a figment of his imagination, or probably more like the side of himself he doesn't let surface. Because bottling is what the Winchesters do best, the poor souls.

And now, I shall end this with my favorite lines of the night. Feel free to add yours, along with any other comments, in the... well, the comments. Der.

"No, his name is Castiel. He wears a trench coat." - Sam, correcting the doctor when he thinks the angel is a metaphorical angel on his shoulder

"Dude, you cannot hit that." - Sam, to Dean, after Kissing Wendy does her thing
"So torn." - Dean

"I want him now. He's larger." - Kissing Wendy, about Sam (obviously)

"Oh yeah, they gave me everything. It's spectaculacular." - Drugged up Sam

"You always were a happy drunk." - Dean, about Drugged Sam

"Well come on, you've been at least half crazy for a long time." - Drugged Sam, about how Dean is probably going actual crazy

"It's okay, 'cause you're my brother and I still love you..." Sam then proceeds to "boop" Dean on the... nose? I think it was his nose.

Clearly I liked Drugged Sam. What a hoot.

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