You guys, I am UPSET. For the most part this season, there haven't been very many surprises in terms of how the vote has come down, but tonight I literally cried out NOoooo! Only about the guys, though. The girls it was sort of not a surprise, much.
I don't feel I'm giving anything away at this point. I assume if you're here, you've already watched it, right? Otherwise you're looking to see who was cut, so you know, THERE. You know it's one of those two, my two favorite guys left! Why, cruel America, why?
Okayokayokay. I'll calm down now and get to recapping. Joining the judging panel tonight was judging favorite Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who may not know a lot about dancing (isn't there some nacho move?), but makes up for it in personality and fangirling, because fanboying just sounds strange. I'm a-gonna go in solo order, because that's right, along with a partner dance with an all-star, each dancer also performed a solo.
Tiffany - Her solo was only okay for me, but honestly this is really just because all contemporary solos start to kind of look the samey-same to me anymore. I've been watching this show too long with a critical eye, clearly, because I wrote "pretty, nice, whatever." SO NICE, JEN. Her partner dance was with all-star Ade, and was a Mandy Moore contemporary piece. And what is this? A Celine Dion song? Man these choreographers love them some Celine Dion, much more than the general populace of this dear country, to be sure. Or maybe not, she does have a Vegas show, after all. Besides the point! The point! Is! I was also kinda bored with this routine too, despite the many lifts. Am I barren of heart? Do I just no longer care? Am I alone in my crazy uncaring, or have some of you joined me in wondering why the judges decided on a standing O?
Will - Oh Will, my dear Will. Sigh. Alright, Will's solo was mostly all about his crazy long legs and did I catch a praying mantis pose in there and yeah I thought it was good but not great and I'm just creating a run on sentence so why not keep going? Will's partner dance was with all-star Lauren in a Christopher Scott choreographed lyrical hip hop piece that dang, I really enjoyed. The way that Lauren was sort of mirroring his movement.... the concept was just really cool. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I do love me some Chris Scott routines. But YES, he was GOOD. And now I will WEEP.
Lindsay - Look, I know it's hard to do a solo when you're a ballroom dancer, I get it. But I really thought hers was lacking tonight. It didn't seem like altogether that much dancing. I dunno, I've never really cared for Lindsay overly much, so, you know, BIAS. Her partner dance was with all-star Alex in a Sonya Tayeh jazz piece that honestly I just got distracted by because I was jamming with the Gotye. As soon as the judges started talking about their chemistry not being there, I said, "She's out!" And what is that? I'm to be proven correct? Well oh me oh my oh me oh my. That's the trouble with the results at the end of the hour now, methinks.
Chehon - Okay, now Chehon's solo? Great. Really. I wrote beautiful, emotional, and boy was it. Chehon has been somewhat of a dark horse of the competition, picking up steam near the end, which is actually probably a good way to do it. His all-star dance was with Anya in a Miriam and Leonardo choreographed Argentine tango. And, well, that is perhaps one of the best traditional tangos I think the show has ever had, to be perfectly honest. There was a stillness, not a complete need to go over into the character stuff, which was for the best.
Witney - Witney's solo was filled with just about as much dancing as Lindsay's was, but there is just something about this girl that sparks. Okay, seriously, she's sexy. I mean, I'm a girl and I see it practically seeping out of her pores. Her partner dance was with all-star Twitch in a Luther Brown hip hop that was much more hard-hitting than the other hip hop dance of the evening, and dang if the little blonde didn't have herself some swag in there. But I truly, truly hated her "diaper pants" as JTF called them, and also I kind of hated the music too, but I thought the dancing itself was up there. She does have the disadvantage of it being the first partner dance of the evening, though.
Cole - There is just something so mesmerizing about Cole's dancing, particularly when he's doing his own style, and that was no exception in his solo tonight. He's my favorite guy dancer, okay? It's just the truth. I will always prefer a little quirk to just generic good-dancer-ness. His partner dance was with all-star Alison in a Sonya Tayeh contemporary and Dang. For real, that was my favorite dance of the night. The way they would pause in those moments of stillness really took my breath away. It helps that Alison is amazing, but I was watching him just as much, which is just as important. And why is he so good at being so sinister, when he seems like such a nice guy? He's channeling all those bullies, I guess. Stupid bullies.
Eliana - Follow up my favorite guy with my favorite girl. I loved her solo, all right? It may or may not have brought a wee tear to my eye, so I guess my earlier comments of being dead-hearted or whatever are just not TRUE. You just gotta have that extra somethin' somethin' somethin' to keep me interested. Wait a minute, is this an analogy for real life too? Let's not go THERE! Her partner dance was with all-star Ryan in a dreaded quickstep choreographed by Jonathan Roberts. And hot dang, that was perhaps the first quickstep I have ever actually liked on this show. She's just so smooth, and man that walkover waterfall move thing was amazeballs, and the dance itself was somehow more accessible than other quicksteps we've seen on the show, which is interesting, because I wrote that, and then the judges called Eliana out on her accessibility in general, and simpatico!
Cyrus - Look, I don't deny that Cyrus is amazing at what he does. I don't deny that I wanted to see more of his solo at the end, but I would really, truly like the judges to stop blowing smoke up that kid's ass telling him how wonderful he is. Soon enough he will be floating in the sky in a hot air balloon! His partner dance was with all-star Melanie (!) in a Mandy Moore jazz piece that the judges just swooned and swooned over, but can I just say something? I didn't think it was that great. I was watching Melanie the entire time, and I wasn't the biggest fan of the choreography. I know it was meant to be old school with the Bob Fosse hands and whatnot, I get the point, I GET IT, but I DON'T at the same time, because I think Cyrus' tenure should've ended tonight, but it has. not.
Because the two guys in danger were not Chehon and Cyrus as was likely expected from many, but instead was none other than my two favorite guys, two of my top three favorite people in general, Will and Cole. I had a feeling they would save Cole, and I was correct, but I am still sad to see our favorite giant puppy go. You were robbed of the finale, Will, you truly were.
Of the girls, it was the two ballroomistas to visit the bottom two, and despite the fact that I think Witney has actually been in the bottom more than Lindsay, I can't say I disagree with the decision to keep her around another week. I don't think there's any way it won't be Eliana and Tiffany in the finale, but knock on some wood because I thought it would be Cole and Will and well look how that went up in dramatic, sad bunny flames! Flames! Of sadness! And dead bunnies!
I've clearly kind of lost my mind tonight, but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.
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