...Set: Glee 1x22 "Journey"

Tonight was the big season finale for Glee, and featured our gleeks finally making it all the way to Regionals. Does show choir not have Nationals? Because that seems like it would be bigger. I don't know how any of that works. But also, only three schools in Regionals? Or wait, was that what Sectionals determined? I am so confused, clearly.
Anyway, at the top of the hour, everyone in New Directions is feeling very down because they are convinced that they will lose and glee club will therefore be canceled, per that very old agreement with Figgins that happened eons ago. They all share some tears and it seems like all hope has been lost until Will hears "Don't Stop Believing" on the radio in his car and realizes that he himself must not stop believing in the group that has changed his life for the better. This was happening right as Finn was convincing Rachel that they needed to step up and get the group back into a positive state of mind as well, so all systems are go.Their new theme: Journey. Of course! ANVIL TO THE HEAD!

At Regionals, the judging panel consists of some returning guest stars with Josh Groban, Olivia Newton John, Rod Rivington (? the news anchor Sue had a brief dalliance with), and none other than Sue Sylvester. First up is Westvale High's Aural Intensity, who performs a mash-up of Josh Groban and Olivia Newton John off screen.

After that, it's time for New Directions. Before the group goes on stage, Finn tells Rachel that he loves her. And - go! The three Journey songs the group performs are: Faithfully, Any Way You Want It , and a revamped version of Don't Stop Believing featuring more of the club than in the original. Don't Stop Believing is still the best of the group. That may just be because it's the best song in general. They perform well, and when they head backstage, Quinn runs into her mom, who has left her father and wants Quinn to move back in with her. Before Quinn can react, however, her water breaks! No one was surprised by this turn of events, I'm sure.

While Quinn is rushed to the hospital and giving birth, Vocal Adrenaline takes to the stage with their version of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody, possibly one of my favorite songs ever (the original, I mean. I liked this version too but it's not the same.). Intercut some cool choreography and Quinn giving birth to her and Puck's daughter (with requisite "oh my god that is so disgusting" face from Puck watching). And even though she was a month premature, apparently the baby's just fine and normal-sized! Imagine if things had actually gone wrong. Would've been more interesting, honestly. As it is, a bit of a snooze. It didn't even matter that she wasn't due yet, really.

Rachel has stayed behind to watch Vocal Adrenaline's performance, and after it's over goes to find Shelby. She wants her to quit VA and come join New Directions, but Shelby tells her she's tired of coaching glee club and wants to start her own family. And oh, what does Rachel happen to mention? That Quinn's just given birth to a baby girl. What could possibly happen next?! It doesn't happen directly next, but Shelby does indeed eventually adopt her, and names her Beth, since that's the name Puck wanted for her.

What actually happens next is the voting for the winner. Sue starts out wanting to put New Directions in third place, but after she hears the bashing they get from the other judges, it's clear (though not explicit until the end of the episode) that she changes her tune and votes for them as number one. But it's not enough. Vocal Adrenaline takes the cake, and Aural Intensity comes in as the runner up, which results in New Directions not even placing, though they still get a trophy. Participation trophy, apparently.

And, like that, the glee club is disbanded. Emma goes into a rage at Figgins over the whole thing, and she and Will have a moment in the hall where he tells her he loves her and that they're not over, despite her now apparently dating her dentist (who I've heard is probably going to be played by John Stamos). He also smooches her. They love those hallway smooches. Before any more can be said, Rachel shows up and asks Will to come to the auditorium.

That's where the group has assembled to thank Mr. Schue for all he has done for them over the year with a rendition of To Sir, With Love, that nearly everyone gets a little solo part in. Schue gets teary-eyed, and Sue watches from the doorway, also looking a little misty.

Will is packing up the choir room when Sue shows up. She starts out with a bit of a gloat, as is her wont, but eventually she reveals that she respects what he's done for the kids and has worked it out so that they can have glee club for at least another year. Indeed, Sue has a heart.

Will informs the group of the turn of events and after much jumping for joy, he thanks them by singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow with Puck accompanying. I have to say I quite liked their version of the song. Quite possibly my favorite of the night, which is not normally a Will song. What! Craziness.

And there you have it, folks. Season 1(.5?) of Glee is officially over. It's been a bit of a bumpy ride, but you can't say you haven't been entertained. Below are the quotes, which aren't as plentiful as episodes past because of the rather serious/teary tone of this finale.

Quotes:

"Now I realize my cultural ascendance only serves to illuminate your own banality. But face it, I'm legend. It's happened." - Sue

"I have to be honest Will, I'm having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today, because your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about livin' on the bayou." - Sue

"Brunette's have no place in show business." - Olivia Newton John

"Dag nabbit!" - Josh Groban

"It's as barren as me in here, Will." - Sue

"I've seen that car you drive, I don't want to catch poor." - Sue

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x21 "Funk"

Holy quote city, Batman! I have way too many quotes from this episode, it's out of hand. Sue is just so inherently quotable, though, and when she has a featured story, forget about it. Overall, another enjoyable episode, but you have to admit that Glee can really go a little all over the place. From Will fake seducing Sue to get back at her, to an attempt at a deep message with Quinn and Mercedes that didn't feel that sincere. Just me? Anyway, on to our plots...

Willvester 4ever
Will has had enough of Sue's antics and gets the idea that to really take her down a peg, he's got to go after her heart. And therewith begins an equal parts hilarious and disturbing sequence of seductions, including his solo rendition of Tell Me Something Good, complete with, dare I say it, butt thrusts in Sue's face and... whoa. That's a little much. She feigns indifference, but in her diary entry she admits she "felt something below the neck" and eventually agrees to go on a date with Will. He stands her up, and she goes into a mini-tailspin, saying she's not going to compete at the Cheerleading Nationals, which sends her Cheerios into hysterics. Will decides that his pride is not worth their suffering and goes to get Sue back in the game. He succeeds, and they win Nationals for the sixth time in a row. Sue, in an act of seeming revenge, displays the huge trophy in the choir room, to be a constant reminder to Will that he's failed. Except he was the one who told her to go back, so I'm not so sure it would be such a negative. This was all after Sue faked an ultimatum that would've required them to kiss! AAH.


Attack of Vocal Adrenaline
Jesse re-joins Vocal Adrenaline and stages a number in our glee's gym to psyche them out (they perform Another One Bites the Dust), and send them into a funk. To get them back, Puck and Finn slash all of their Range Rover tires. Rather than getting them expelled, Shelby says they'd be willing to let them pay for the damage. Later, though, Vocal Adrenaline attacks again, this time centering specifically on Rachel by having Jesse call her out to the parking lot then egging her. Literal eggs, people. The gleeks want to retaliate, but decide the best way to get back at them is to funk them out. So they perform a group funk number - Give Up the Funk - and it appears to have its intended effect.

Puck and Finn at Losers' N Things
In order to get the money to pay for the slashed tires, Puck and Finn have to get jobs. They end up at Linen's N Things, under the management of Terri, who had earlier in the episode finalized her divorce from Will. During one of their working days, Puck has a daydream of him and Finn doing a rendition of Beck's Loser (gets my vote for best song of the night!). Later, Terri starts to see a lot of Will in Finn and decides she's going to try to make herself better by helping him out, or some sort of twisted logic. Yikes.

Funky Town
Will's assignment for the week centers on funk, of course, to subvert the notion that they can go into a depressed funk thanks to Vocal Adrenaline. Anyway, Mercedes says she has it under control, but Quinn gets annoyed that she wouldn't be asked to come up with something. So she ends up coming up with this, shall I say, disturbing number with other dancing pregnant teenage girls - It's a Man's Man's World. I kind of agree with Artie, who said it was offensive. Definitely bordered on that, though in the end the group seemed to feel for her, and Mercedes, who had initially been against her attempting any sort of funk, relates with her and tells her she can move out of Puck's into her place. Okay, random!
For the other funk number, Puck, Finn and Mercedes perform Good Vibrations, though Schue points out that it's not technically a funk number, but rather a rap one. Whoops!

Next week is the season finale, which means Regionals! What have been your favorite episodes of the season? What are you going to do to sate your glee withdrawals over the hiatus?

Quotes:

"They call it a funkification. Meaning, they show us what they've got, and we spiral into a deep, black, funk." - Artie

"You know what it has to look like? Elvis'  gold record room at Graceland. Except I'll be wanting far fewer morbidly obese white women waddling around and crying." - Sue

"You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of 'em, but they just keep coming. You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent." - Sue

"Thinking "trust me" was a sensible birth control option." - Quinn, regarding regrets

"Everyone knows this is gonna come down to me. Revenge, fear, the merciless affliction of pain. These are my kingdoms. The first time I gave a wedgie to a kid, I was four years old." - Puck, voiceover

"That's what they said about a young man in Chicago in 1871 who thought he'd play a harmless prank on the dairy cow of one Mrs. O'Leary. He successfully ignited its flatulence and the city burned, William! That young terrorist went on to become the first gay president of the United States, Abraham Lincoln." - Sue

"I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week." - Kurt

"I want him to be eaten by a lion." - Rachel, regarding Jesse

"Was I too dirty?" - Will
"I didn't notice, I was bored." - Sue

"I thought Jews were supposed to be smart." - Terri, regarding Puck

"Oh you know what Wednesday is, right? Hump day." - Will, seducing Sue

"Though I completely loathe you, you'd make a great trophy husband. And as you can see by my decor, I love me some trophies." - Sue

"And now I just keep having nightmares of all of the mothers of the little baby chicks coming after me for revenge." - Rachel

"Mr. Schue, Rachel is one of us. We're the only ones who get to humiliate her." - Kurt

"They did a funk number. We've never been able to pull off a funk number." - Jesse
"That's because we're soulless automatons." - Mean VA girl
"I'm so depressed." - Jesse

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x20 "Theatricality"

I love how it was advertised as "Glee goes Gaga" but there were only two Lady Gaga songs in the whole episode! Oh Fox, you are tricksy. What, you ask? Didn't you listen to the songs ahead of time and know that was the case? No, I didn't. I've found that if I listen to the songs beforehand, it kind of ruins their performance on the show for me. Crazypants? Maybe.
In any event, the theme of the night was theatricality. I think one of my favorite parts of the episode was when Artie asked Mr. Schue what the lesson of the theme was, and Schue's just like yo, I don't know (turn off the lights, and I'll glow... sorry, that was a couple weeks ago), and then when they basically spell it out at the end he's like, oh man, I wish I had planned that but I didn't! But I'm jumping ahead! It's what I do best!

Story #1: Rachel meets her mama!

When Rachel, Mercedes and Quinn go to spy a little on Vocal Adrenaline, the coach, Shelby Corcoran, who we learned last week is Rachel's mom, stepped up to show her pupils how theatricality is done, and sang Funny Girl. Rachel figured out who she was because she had heard her sing in the tape last week. She confronted her immediately and it was a bit awkward. Over the course of the episode, Shelby comes to realize that it was ill advised for her to come back into Rachel's life now (it turns out she did because she can't have children now, and she really wanted a daughter), and that she can't have the relationship with her baby girl that she wanted, because she's not a baby. They decide that it's best to not try to force a mother-daughter relationship now, but it seems like they might have the possibility in the future. As a goodbye, they do a duet to a stripped down Poker Face. I think it would be sort of expected for this to be the favorite song of the night, but while I did enjoy it, it wasn't my favorite! My favorite is included in...

Story #2: Tina the vampire

Principal Figgins calls Tina into the office to tell her that she can't keep dressing like a lady demon on school property, thanks to the crazed Twilight teens pretending to be vampires and literally trying to suck people's blood. In order to help Tina find a new look, and to get the theme of the week, Schue tells them they can Go Gaga. The girls (plus Kurt) all fully embrace this turn of events, with each of them taking on a different Gaga look. They then perform Bad Romance together, and that's the one that gets my award for favorite song of the night. Maybe it was their performance, though, because that really put it over the top. Santana can rock Bad Romance! My favorite outfits of the group, in case anyone is wondering, were Santana's black lacy number, Quinn's pink dress with those crazy eyelashes, and Brittany's lobster head. Rachel's final outfit was pretty awesome too. Anyway, the guys aren't really into Lady Gaga, so they go their own route with theatricality and perform Shout It Out Loud by Kiss. Weakest one of the night, if you ask me. Anyway, by the end of the episode, Tina has decided she's not going to be told who she is, and totally goes awesomely badass, pretending to be a vampire with Figgins and threatening her Asian Vampire Dad's wrath if he doesn't let her wear her lady demon clothes. HA! Love it.

Story #3: Kurt and Finn move in

Finn's mom informs him that they will be moving in with the Hummels now that she and Kurt's dad are getting serious. Kurt is excited, but Finn is.... not. Especially once he starts to get picked on by his football jock buddies almost as badly as Kurt does. When Kurt tries to present him with a newly decorated room for them to share, complete with "privacy" partition, Finn flips out and starts calling various items in the room "faggy." Which he shouldn't have done, because Papa Hummel overhears and gets very upset with him about it, giving him a nice long lecture. And damn, way to go once again Mike O'Malley! He tells Finn that he's not welcome there, no matter if it's going to hurt his relationship with Finn's mom (what in the world is Finn's mom's name? I have no recollection!). Finn eventually steps up to the plate and dresses in a hideous (just listen to Kurt's "oh my god" reaction to it) bright red shower curtain get up to show his solidarity with Kurt against the football baddies. The baddies are going to pound them anyway, but the rest of the gleeks show up for support. The baddies leave for now, but say they'll bring their own friends next time. Eep!

Story #4: Puck's baby names

At the beginning of the episode, Puck wants to name his and Quinn's baby Jackie Daniels (since Jack would be for a boy), but she quickly douses this idea because they won't even get to name the baby. He apparently gets some kind of clue from this theatricality assignment that that particular name would be ridiculous, and also mentions how his own dad never paid him any attention when he was a kid when that's all he wanted, so he gathers the guys around for a rendition of Beth. Afterward, he requests that Quinn please let him be there and see his daughter when she is born. This served as a parallel to the Rachel and Shelby storyline as well, and we have to wonder if Quinn will really be giving up the baby for adoption in the end.

Rather conspicuously absent this week: one Jesse St. James. He was all about getting Rachel and Shelby together, but wasn't there for her when it actually happened. And it looks like next week he goes back to Vocal Adrenaline? It would be too bad, because I've grown rather fond of his character. And, let's face it, I've grown rather fond of seeing Jonathan Groff as well. Yummy.

Quotes:

"I don't mean to state the obvious, but you do know that vampires aren't real, right? They don't exist." - Will

"My parents won't even let me watch Twilight. My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch." - Tina

"Yes, for several years in my early twenties, I dressed up as Elvis. But he was a Christian, Will! And he did not possess the ability to transform into a bat!" - Principal Figgins

"Is there a car down here for me?" - Finn
"Honey, we're indoors." - Finn's mom

"What's up with this Gaga dude? He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?" - Puck

"And she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners!" - Kurt
"It's true." - Brittany

"Because even though I'm painfully shy and obsessed with death, I'm a really effervescent person." - Tina

"You look terrible. I look awesome." - Brittany

"We live in Ohio, not New York or San Francisco or some other city where people eat vegetables that aren't fried!" - Finn

"My balls keep falling off." - Tina
"I've been there." - Kurt

"Brad! He's always just, around." - Rachel

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x19 "Dream On"

Though Glee tends to get overly literal with its themes in each episode, at least they are usually fairly sincere. This week was all about dreams and how they can possibly be shattered. But the best news about this week was that it featured Neil Patrick Harris in an awesome guest star role as Bryan Ryan, former Will Schuester out-doer and current school board member looking to cut the glee club. It was also directed by Joss Whedon, what what!
See, Bryan used to be the star of the glee club back in the day, and thought that meant he was going to be a big star after high school. It didn't quite happen that way, and now he wants to take these kids down a peg. Will won't have that, and after a beer gets Bryan to admit that he really misses singing and feels empty without it. Will encourages him to try out for an upcoming local musical production of Les Miserables, that leads to a sing-off between the two of them. Bryan, certain that he has won the role over Will, decides he's going to cut back some of the Cheerios budget and give it to glee. But when he finds out that Will actually won, he takes it all away. Will gives him a whole big speech about stars and black holes, but it's not until he tells Bryan that he'll give him the role if he keeps the glee club that Bryan decides to keep glee around. All around a very fun performance by NPH, right? He was great, as he tends to be, and he got to perform a couple of songs with Matthew Morrison - Piano Man and Dream On.

The other big storyline of the night centered around Artie. With all of this dream talk, Artie is forced to admit to Tina that his dream is to one day be a dancer, but he knows it can never be. He tries to use some of those arm thingys that people with cerebral palsy use (I truly apologize, but I have no idea what they are called) while creating a dance number with Tina, but ends up falling and getting really upset about her seeing him that way. She tells him not to give up hope and presents him with a ton of research about emerging techniques on fixing broken spinal cords. He then has a really fun dream sequence of a big dance number set to Safety Dance and gets psyched about the possibility. He goes to see Emma to and tells her he thinks the new research is going to get him to walk again, but she is forced to give him a dose of reality and tell him that any of these techniques won't be available for human testing for at least 10 years. Awwww, Artie! He tells her she should have someone else dance with her in their number, but she asks him to at least sing for them. She dances with Mike Chang (other Asian!) while Artie sings Dream a Little Dream of Me.

In the third main storyline of the night, Jesse is back in town after his spring break, and gets Rachel to admit her secret dream - to meet her mom. They do some research, and it's here that we learn that Jesse DOES have a secret agenda after all! He slips in a tape "From Mother to Daughter" into one of Rachel's baby memorabilia boxes. At this point, if you hadn't figured out that Shelby, the Vocal Adrenaline coach, was Rachel's mom, then you're sorely behind the times when it comes to TV viewing. I hadn't thought about it until then, but once that happened and I stopped to think how much Idina Menzel and Lea Michele do resemble each other, it was like BAM! It was confirmed later on when Jesse and Shelby had a meeting where we learn that Jesse's main mission was to get Rachel to figure out who her mom is, then go back to Vocal Adrenaline. Jesse, however, has started to fall for Rachel, and doesn't want her to get hurt. I'm guessing they're going to try to get her to join Vocal Adrenaline. Anyway, Rachel at first refuses to listen to the tape, but Shelby makes Jesse force it on her, which then turns into a duet number between Rachel and Shelby of I Dreamed a Dream.

Next week: Glee goes Gaga! I'm sure everyone has been waiting for this day, and it looks to be appropriately crazy.

Quotes:

"I was introduced to Jesus. He was my Honduran social worker." - Bryan Ryan

"I'm in a wheelchair, but I'm still a guy." - Artie

"I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and then shot it." - Artie

"Can't feed a child sheet music, Will. I mean, I suppose you could for a while, but it'd be dead in a month." - Bryan Ryan

"I have a box of playbills hidden away in my basement, Will. Like porn." - Bryan Ryan

"What if she's singing on the tape? What if she's terrible, or worse, what if she's better than me?" - Rachel

"Is it a tad over the top to build a district for sky diving lessons to have the Cheerios parachuted onto the football field? Perhaps." - Sue

"Should I lock the door?" - Bryan Ryan
"No, I've got a secret room upstairs. Like Letterman." - Sue

"I've grown weary of your insults, Will. They sting, and they make me want to punch your face." - Bryan Ryan

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x18 "Laryngitis"

Tonight was a song-filled Glee, that's for sure. I don't remember the last time so many songs were packed into one episode. But it didn't feel too overloaded either. Maybe that's because it wasn't a ton of Rachel singing solos, but featured quite a few of the Gleeks. This episode also featured a lot of top quality quotes, so I'm going to try to keep the recap itself to a minimum, and just hit on each of the characters who had a biggish storyline. And in case you're wondering what the moral of the episode was (how could you NOT know, though? They weren't exactly subtle.) - it was be true to yourself.

Kurt - Kurt's dad has still been spending time with Finn since he and Finn's mom have been dating. Kurt is getting more and more upset about them spending time together, mostly because his dad never invites him along. So, he decides he's going to attempt to be more like his dad. Which means wearing flannel, singing Mellencamp, and dating girls - more specifically, Brittany. It doesn't really work, though, because he's not being true to himself. He and his dad finally have a heart to heart about everything, and it looks like their relationship is on the mend. That scene was really great. Not only because Chris Colfer got to belt out Rose's Turn, but also because of their conversation. One of the best scenes of the night.


Puck, meanwhile, had to get his mohawk shaved thanks to a suspicious mole, and finds that with the mohawk gone, so has his mojo. He even gets tossed in a dumpster by a bunch of geeks. He figures the best way to get it back is by dating a cheerleader, and sets his sights on Mercedes. She brushes him off at first, but then he busts out The Lady is a Tramp to prove he has soul, and they end up dating. But when Puck gets his popularity back and starts tossing geeks back in dumpsters, Mercedes doesn't like it. She breaks up with him, and also quits the Cheerios because it basically condones such behavior. But not before a rather awesome rendition of The Boy is Mine with a very jealous Santana.

Rachel, on the other hand, realizes something is wrong with her voice after she attempts to sing The Climb, and fails miserably. A doctor tells her she has severe tonsillitis and needs to have her tonsils removed, but she's afraid that it will affect her vocal chords. Finn knocks some sense into her by taking her to see a friend of his who was paralyzed from the upper chest down. The basic message is that even though she might lose her voice, her voice isn't all that she is. Or something like that. To thank him, she starts giving him vocal lessons, which starts with One - which also turns into the big group sing at the end of the show. And I have to say, the big group sings are almost always the best songs.

And if six songs weren't enough, we also got to see Finn's rendition of Jessie's Girl, which was a pretty much on the nose nod to his wanting Rachel back. Jesse St. James was out of town this week, so he wasn't around to see it.

Aaaaand - scene. Next week: the Joss Whedon directed episode featuring guest star Neil Patrick Harris. It looks to be legen... wait for it... dary! Yeah yeah, corny, but whatever. Who doesn't love Neil Patrick Harris?

Quotes:

"Who is that guy?" - Brittany, after seeing Puck without a mohawk

"I feel like that guy who lost all his hair and lost all his strength." - Puck
"Samson?" - Santana
"Agassi." - Puck

"You're like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup. No more juice." - Geek

"Get ready black girl from Glee Club whose name I can't remember right now. The Puckster is about to make you his." - Puck voiceover

"I'm a sex shark. If I stop moving, I die." - Puck

"There are so many lyrics." - Brittany

"Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad." - Puck

"So you like showtunes, it doesn't mean you're gay, it just means you're awful." - Sue

"He's an idiot and his mother won't let me eat bacon." - Quinn

"But at least if you guys are dating, I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories on how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization." - Quinn

"So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with, because I thought you were a capital G-gay. But now that you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. So, let me know if you want to tap this." - Brittany

"I am like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live." - Rachel

"Okay, I'm confused. I came home to find this note on your doorknob: "Do not enter under any circumstances, I am making out with a girl." I just thought it was the start to one of your murder mystery dinners." - Kurt's dad

"If things get serious, use protection." - Kurt's dad
"Does he mean like, a burglar alarm?" - Brittany

"Enjoy it while you can, weezy. His hair's already starting to grow back." - Santana

"Nobody quits the Cheerios. Either you die or I kick you off." - Sue

"Guess I'll just have to take to the mic and deliver a diatribe. Probably something about immigrants." - Sue

"Now I know what it's like to date a baby." - Brittany

"I'm dumb but I'm not stupid." - Kurt's dad

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x17 "Bad Reputation"

This was the week of the Glist - a ranking of the glee club members, based on their reputation and hotness factor, apparently. It was never really said what the point system meant, but at the top of the list was Quinn, and at the bottom - Rachel. Principal Figgins, along with one Sue Sylvester, tasked Will with figuring out who put the list together, because that person would subsequently be expelled.
While all of that was going on, there was also drama over a video that Kurt and company found in Sue's desk of her recreating the Physical video by Olivia Newton John. They decided to post it up on youtube, and soon enough, the entire school had seen it and were laughing in Sue's face. Sue decided maybe it was a kind of retribution for her always being terrible to people, so figured she should give back. Her version of giving back was to go to Emma under the guise of a counselor and tell her that she needs to yell at Will in a public setting for making out with the Vocal Adrenaline coach, as well as for having April sleep over. Emma was reluctant at first, but then eventually made a scene with Will. He later tried to apologize to her, but she wasn't really having that either. Things aren't going to be sunshine and roses for these two for a while.

Meanwhile, Rachel was upset at having been given the lowest ranking on the Glist, and decided the best way to combat that was by giving herself a bad reputation. The best way to go about it? Making a video out of Run Joey Run, featuring not just one, not just two, but three of our erstwhile gleekers - Jesse, Puck and Finn - none of whom were happy to have been included in something with the other two. Jesse was particularly upset over it all, and decided to break things off with Rachel. This led to a cool cover of Total Eclipse of the Heart at the end of the episode.

While Rachel was doing that, Kurt, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and a drugged up Brittany decided they also needed to up their rankings on the list. Kurt, Artie, Tina and Mercedes, because they weren't even on it, Brittany because she was only number four. They staged a little group sing in the library to U Can't Touch This, then when that only made them seem cute to the librarian, they decided to confess to Sue for posting the Physical video. Little did they know that, by that time, Sue had been contacted by Olivia Newton John herself to make an updated video with the both of them. Sue was not angry at all!

In the end, Will figured out who put the Glist together - Quinn. She's had a lot taken away from her recently, and stood the most to gain from the list. But instead of turning her in to be expelled, Will told Figgins that no one would budge. Aw, how sweet.

And that's pretty much it, except for the Ice Ice Baby number at the top of the hour, where Will was demonstrating how you can take something with a bad reputation and make it into something cool. We were also introduced to Brenda Castle, played by Molly Shannon, as a new teacher at the school, who was apparently fired from her past position when she was caught with booze and such. She didn't have a big role in tonight's episode, but she probably will have more in the future.

Quotes:

“You guys need to stop being asses and start being badasses.” - Jesse

“Will, I may have to buy a diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby’s ass.” - Sue

“The man in this video looks like the champion cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester.” - Quote about Sue’s video

“But now I know the white hot shame of public rebuke. The pain is indescribable.” - Sue

“I'm a delinquent, sure. I like setting stuff on fire and beating up people I don't know. I own that. But I’m not a liar.” - Puck

“This is not happening. The cruel, slow motion laughter is just in your imagination.” - Sue’s voiceover

“You had me at sex tape. How can I help you?” - Artie

“I’ve been here since first period. I had a cold, and I took all my antibiotics at the same time, and now I can’t remember how to leave.” - Brittany

“Besides, Jesse will never fully understand what it means to be a Jew.” - Puck

“Don’t start with me, Castle, or I will kick you straight in the taco.” - Sue

“I don’t know guys, I’m starting to get cold feet.” - Artie
“Do you even feel your feet?” - Brittany

“And why does everyone assume I’m angry all the time? It’s called Sassy, Mr. Schue.” - Mercedes

“I don’t know how to turn on a computer.” - Brittany

“We have to do what we’ve been dreading. Something even more terrifying than Rachel’s personality.” - Artie

“Do me a favor, if we end up next to each other on the bar at ballet club this week, just do your arabesques and piques in silence, don’t talk to me.” - Jesse

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x16 "Home"

Look, I know Kristin Chenoweth can belt a tune like nobody's business. She did it on Pushing Daisies, she did it on Broadway, and she even did it once already on Glee. But in her return tonight, did we really need three whole songs featuring her? I would argue no. Particularly since they had the entire songs. I was getting bored out by them, maybe because I had never actually heard any of them before. Point of fact, I'd only heard one of the songs featured on the show tonight. It doesn't take a genius to figure out which one.
But anyway, the reason we didn't really need all of those songs was because the story wasn't really about April. She had her own little side story about being a mistress to some old dude, who then ends up croaking in the end so she gets some money to go out to Broadway, but it was nearly exactly the same story as before, though with a little more of her trying to flirt with Will. So that's all the time I'm going to devote to it. Because the real stories of this episode were about Mercedes, Kurt and Finn.

Let's start with Mercedes. Last we saw, she and Kurt joined the Cheerios. Now that they're members, however, Sue has some harsh criticisms. She demands that Mercedes lose 10 pounds before a critic or something shows up for a pep rally. Mercedes struggles to lose the weight and ends up fainting in the cafeteria. Oddly enough, it is Quinn who talks some sense into her. She doesn't need to lose weight, she just needs to be comfortable with herself. This leads her to take a stand during the pep rally and sing Christina Aguilera's Beautiful, which really does rally the school together, since everybody has felt fat, ugly or stupid at some point.

As a side note, this inadvertently gives Sue an edge in her interview with that aforementioned critic, who was prepared to write a scathing review of her, but instead decides he must've been wrong about her all along. Little does he know! Though it does seem like Sue may be wondering if her evil ways are so great after all.

As for Kurt and Finn, their story really hit the theme of home more than any of the others. Apparently, some time ago, Kurt set up his dad and Finn's mom while at a parent-teacher conference. They've been quietly dating since then, but only now does Finn figure out what's going on when his mom starts moving out some of their old stuff, including a lot of the stuff he associates with his dad, who died in Desert Storm, in case you've forgotten. At first, Kurt is very gung-ho about their families meshing together while Finn is very against it, not wanting to let go of his dad. Kurt sings a great version of A House is Not a Home that hits him more emotionally than he thought it would at first, I think. (We'll just forget that one verse that Finn adds into the song, because it's pretty much the worst verse he's ever sung on the show. Sorry, Montieth, but it's true)

Things start to change, however, once the Hummels and the Hudsons get together for dinner and Finn connects with Kurt's dad over sports, something that Kurt has never really connected with him over. Finn and Kurt then decide they're going to break them up. But when Finn tries to do his part, he ends up getting a couple of rather heartfelt talks from not only his mom (definitely the most emotionally poignant moment in the episode) but also Kurt's dad. Finn ends up changing his mind about them dating, leaving Kurt to watch from the outside as Finn and his dad bond some more over their shared hatred of Duke basketball.

And that's pretty much all she wrote. We barely saw any of Rachel and Jesse, and none of Emma. Did you miss them? Did anyone else laugh as much as I did at Brittany's "I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary" line as me? (I doubt it. I downright guffawed.) And.... I've already forgotten what the preview for next week showed, apart from Emma yelling in the teacher's room that Will is a slut. When he's not sporting a manly teary eye, I'm sure.

Quotes:

"How do you two not have a show on Bravo?" - Sue

"You got hips like a pear." - Sue

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to put in a call to the Ohio Secretary of State notifying them I will no longer be carrying photo ID. You know why? People should know who I am." - Sue

"I live in a closet. There's cowboy wallpaper on the walls." - Finn

"I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary." - Brittany

"I haven't had a solid meal since 1987." - Sue

"Sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand." - Brittany

"You both have dead spouses! Maybe you should talk." - Kurt

"I'm sure when the Bouviers and the Kennedys first broke bread, there was a similar sense of joy and urgency." - Kurt

"If he still had the power of speech, I'm sure he'd be thankful." - April

"With a name like Tracy, I assumed you were a lady." - Sue

"On assembly days, I arrange for the rest of the school to be fumigated, leaving the gymnasium the only place with breathable air." - Sue

"You're bossy, insulting, and the fact that twice you called me Rerun makes me think you're a little racist." - Tracy

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x15 "The Power of Madonna"

People, let me start by expressing my extreme annoyance with one behemoth show called American Idol. Because it so brashly decided to go over 4 minutes, the end of Glee got cut off on my DVR. This is especially annoying on the West Coast, where American Idol is NOT, in fact, live, so there is no reason for that crap to happen. Anyone want to fill me in? It cut off right after Finn and Jesse shook hands.

It turns out, my favorite music number of the night happened after my DVR cut off! HOW RUDE! Skip ahead to approximately 42:08 to see it.

I also need to mention that I have way, way, way too many quotes listed from this episode, and I think I even missed a couple! Because of that, I'm going to strive to keep the actual recap short. I will say, after the sort of frenetic trainwreck of last week, the pacing seemed to be back on track in this episode. I do hope that they don't start to go overboard with Sue stuff. Sue is great and all, but she's the best in small doses, in my opinion. This is not knocking Jane Lynch in the least, who is fantastic, but you know what I mean. I don't want to get Sue burnout.

This episode was all about Madonna and the many things she has stood for - whether it be female independence or, you know, sexy sexiness. This translated into our various storylines...

Sue:
Sue has apparently always been a big fan of Madonna, so she has decided to have the Cheerios do a bunch of Madonna songs for their numbers. When she sees Will has taken the idea to run with Glee as well, she gets annoyed and tries her usual barbs against him. But when he retaliates back against her, we learn that she has hair image issues. Kurt and Mercedes try to give her some new Madonna-inspired looks, but Principal Figgin tells her she's already a strong, independent, individual woman, and shouldn't lose sight of that. Point taken! She also recruits Kurt and Mercedes to be on the Cheerios.

Will & Emma:
Emma decides, after Sue basically tells her she has no sexiness about her, that she's going to take her virginity into her own hands and do the deed with Will. When it comes down to the moment, though, she decides she's just not ready yet. Will berates himself for even letting her go along with the idea at all, because he realizes he's just been acting like all of the other guys around there. He instates a rule: they can't date until his divorce is final. He's filed the papers, so it's on its way. He also wants Emma to see a counselor about her issues. Way to be up front, gotta say.

Rachel/Jesse and Finn/Santana:
Rachel admits to Jesse that she's a virgin, and at first he pressures her a little to do the deed. Then he apologizes and pulls back, then she decides she does want to do it. But when it comes to the night for them, she decides she's just not ready yet. Big surprise that it's both of the girls that decide they can't do it, whereas Finn...

Santana pursues Finn after she is tasked by Sue to date a younger guy. Finn is reluctant to go out with her at first (and by go out, I mean have sex, because she basically just propositioned him), but after he finds out that Rachel is still seeing Jesse, he goes for it. And, because he's a teenage boy, he does go through with the actual sex. This comes as no shock. But, at least he realized that it meant nothing afterward because she didn't mean anything to him. Because he's still got feelings for Rachel.

The big surprise of the evening came when Jesse showed up at the school, announcing that he had just moved into their district and would be joining New Directions. The whole glee club got up in arms about it, but Finn eventually welcomed him to the group. I didn't see the very end because of the aforementioned DVR mishap, so I can't say whether Jesse had a look on his face that would suggest foul play. Did he?

In other news, Tina and Artie have healed their rift from when she confessed she didn't really have a stutter, and they appear to be dating. Awww!

As for the musical numbers, they were all pretty good. Oh, for the SYTYCD fans out there - did you see Nathan from season six in the Vogue video? I didn't notice the first time around, but I'm pretty sure that was him as one of the background dancers. Otherwise, I liked the guys' version of What it Feels Like For a Girl (maybe because I like that song quite a lot). But I'm not sure any of them had quite the pop of, say Jump from a few episodes back.

In case you missed the preview for next week, like me:



Quotes:

"What you call insanity, I call inspiration. Let me break it down for you. It's been the biggest dream of my career to pay homage to Madonna, the woman most responsible for my take no prisoners demeanor and my subconscious tendency to always desperately be looking for someone named Susan." - Sue

"What Would Madonna Do. Well the answer to that question is usually, date a younger man." - Sue

"Now, it's like Madonna once said. I'm tough, I'm ambitious and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay. I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester. No really, she stole it from me. I said it first. Palladium. '87." - Sue

"Can you please stop talking? You're grossing my baby out." - Quinn

"Look at their role models. You've got Britney Spears and her shaved head. Lindsay Lohan looks like something out of the Lord of the Rings. Ann Coulter." - Emma

"Sloppy freak show babies! Somewhere in the English countryside in a stately manor home, Madonna is weeping!" - Sue

"Oh, hey William. I thought I smelled cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in your hair." - Sue

"You think this is hard? I'm passing a gall stone as we speak! That's hard!" - Sue

"When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist." - Brittany

"Guess who I'm dating. Wes Brody. He's super cute. He plays soccer with my sister. He's seven." - Brittany

"Trust me, the way to get a man to follow you forever? Take his virginity. Madonna, like, wrote a song about it." - Brittany

"You're about as sexy as a cabbage patch kid. It's exhausting to look at you." - Santana

"Simply put, you have the sensuality of one of those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate." - Sue

"I'm going to Kabbalah. Is that too much?" - Kurt

"It's gonna be Madge-ical." - Kurt

"Oh, by the way, how's the Florence Henderson look working for you?" - Will

"Mercedes is black. I'm gay. We make culture." - Kurt

"I feel bad about what happened at your house. Do you still have my care bear?" - Jesse

"Oh hey there, Whoopi. Don Knotts." - Sue

"He's a spy, Mr. Schue. I should know." - Santana

"Mr. Schue. Is he your son?" - Brittany

"As an honorary girl, I have to agree." - Kurt

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x14 "Hell-o"

After a super-sized hiatus, Glee has finally returned! If I’m being honest, I kind of forgot about it, and then once I remembered how much I loved it, was slightly let down by this episode. Did it feel a little disjointed to anyone else? I’m not saying it was bad, just something felt a little off, like maybe things were going really fast or something? Though I did really love that Brittany and Santana got their own decent side story, and that we got to see the other Asian dance. Always a good thing.

But, on to the main stories of the evening. In our adults division, we’ve got Will and Emma. In the (fake) teens division, we’ve got Rachel and Finn, and with those two stories combined you’ve got… Captain Planet! Oh wait, wrong show. Here on Glee, those two combined equal Sue Sylvester’s machinations with Brittany and Santana.

You see, Rachel thinks she and Finn are now an item, but Finn is still confused about everything with Quinn and not so sure he wants to be dating Rachel. Sue, now reinstated to her Cheerios coach position after she rufied the Principal, tasks Brittany and Santana with turning their charms onto Finn so that Rachel goes nuts and quits Glee. I feel like all of her plans revolve around getting Rachel out of the club, do they not? But it doesn’t even really take the pinky pair to get Finn to break things off with Rachel. Point of fact, them making fun of her makes him want to get back together.

But! It’s too late, because Rachel has rather serendipitously met a new guy almost immediately – one Jesse St. James, of the rival group Vocal Adrenaline. They supposedly fall madly in love instantaneously, even though we have never see this kid before, ever. The Glee Club doesn’t take kindly to Rachel fraternizing with the enemy, and all believe he’s playing her. They tell her to break things off or get tossed out of Glee, and it looks like she might do it, but then Sue scares her with a glimpse into a possible old maid future, so she decides to carry on with Jesse in secret, despite Finn deciding he wants to get back together with her. But I think we can all agree, Jesse definitely has ulterior motives.

In adult land, Will and Emma are trying out the dating thing, but it quickly gets complicated when Emma drops a bombshell on Will. Not only does she have her OCD quirks, she’s also never “been intimate” with a man. People, well, guys, always find this sort of revelation shocking, but honestly I am not shocked. This happens to occur right when everyone first finds out about Rachel and Jesse, so Will goes over to talk to the Vocal Adrenaline coach. And then proceeds to take her home and make out with her!!

But he stops things before they go too far. Vocal Adrenaline coach woman tells him he’s got to spend some time figuring out who he is outside of a relationship, which is the same conclusion that Emma comes to later on after an encounter with Terri makes her rethink the way things are going with Will. Will has some soul searching to do.

Guys, I haven’t even talked about the musical numbers. Maybe because they were all sort of a snooze? They really were. The theme of the week was “hello”, which took on various iterations, from The Doors to Lionel Richie, to that diddy from the Target commercials that I now have stuck in my head. But next week! Next week is the Madonna episode, and if that preview video of Sue’s “Vogue” is any indication, it should be a return to awesome.



Top Sue Quotes:

“Hey buddy, get a haircut? Looks awful.” – Sue

“I would’ve gotten you one, Will, but I don’t like you.” – Sue

“There, you no longer confuse me with your she-male looks. Here, you can donate this to the victims of Katrina. Maybe they can use it to plug the holes in their trailers.” – Sue

“You know what else I’m gonna bring? I’m gonna bring enough Asian cookware to rub your head with, because right now you have enough product in your hair to season a wok.” – Sue

“Ladies, I misjudged you. You may be two of the stupidest teens I’ve ever encountered. And that’s saying something, I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.” – Sue

“I am engorged with venom and triumph.” - Sue


Top Brittany Quotes:

“We were seduced by the glitz and glamour of showbiz.” – Brittany

“There was a mouse in mine.” – Brittany

“Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?” – Brittany

“Sometimes I forget my middle name.” – Brittany


Oh, there are other people? Quotes:

“I’m not breaking up with you, I’m just saying, please stop super sizing, because I don’t dig on fat chicks.” – Puck

“She looked like Pippi Longstocking but, like, Israeli.” – Santana

“Cut the butter, Benedict Arnold.” – Kurt

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x13 "Sectionals"

Sigh. I love Glee. I never fail to leave feeling satisfied. And the fall finale episode "Sectionals" did not disappoint. As ever, I'm going to start with my favorite quotes of the night...
"Does this have to happen tonight? 'Cause I have my fight club." - Puck

''She's the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker.'' - Brittany

"Love you like a sista." - Sue, to Will

"Perhaps I could improvise some of my def poetry jamz?" - Artie

"My word is official. Let it be written." - Principal Figgins

"You know you just woke a sleeping giant. Prepare to be crushed." - Sue

Now I'm going to just hit on the major things that happened. First: Quinn's jig is up. I don't know about you, but I found it absolutely hilarious that Mercedes went and told everyone else in the glee club, aside from Finn and Rachel, that Puck is really the father of the baby. Rachel, however, had her own suspicions, and worked some well-played deception to get the truth out. Finn, as expected, flipped out. Puck tried to be there for Quinn, but still got rebuffed when she told him she was going to do it alone. All of this led to Finn quitting the glee club.

Second: Sectionals. Will can't go with the kids to sectionals, so Emma takes over. Mercedes challenges Rachel to the ballad by singing "And I am Telling You I'm Not Going" from Dreamgirls, and Rachel concedes. But, when they arrive at sectionals, they quickly see that the other two schools are singing all of their songs, thanks, of course, to one Sue Sylvester. Will gets up in her face about it, but she tells him he has no proof. Will goes to Finn to try to convince him to help his team out, and ultimately he does, arriving just in time. The group performs two numbers... "Don't Rain on my Parade" (which, let's be honest, is less a group number and more a Rachel moment of glory) and "You Can't Always Get What You Want". (Sorry I'm only posting youtubes of the songs this time, no hulu videos. My computer's internet is being ridiculous!)

The kids wait outside the judging room to try to overhear what's going on, and the chair of the ladies' school (aka Eve) comes up to tell them she's going to confess to shenanigans. But, she doesn't get her chance because the judges have already made their decision. We don't actually find out this decision until the end of the episode, but here it is now: They won! On their own merit before the judges knew there was any cheating. And, since Will wasn't able to see them live (though he did tearfully listen over the phone), they performed a song just for him: "My Life Would Suck Without You."

Which leads us to big thing number three: Will and Emma. Emma was supposed to get married to Ken after sectionals were over, but when Will shows up (after telling Terri that he didn't love her anymore), he finds her sitting there alone. Turns out, Ken dumped her because he knew he was just someone she was settling for. Will finally seemed to get a clue after she told him she was resigning because she couldn't handle seeing Ken and Will on a daily basis. He grabs her arm, "I just left my wife." Yes, you just left your wife, as Emma points out, and walks away. But, while Will is listening to his gleeks ballad him some Kelly Clarkson, he realizes his life would suck without Emma. And boy was I waiting for this moment with a goofy smile on my face. Will runs to her office! She's not there! He turns down the hall - in slow motion - there she is, staring out the window. He goes to her. Tosses her box of stuff aside and they finalllllllyyyy kiss! Woo!

And, as a last point: Sue gets canned. Figgins finds out from the other schools that Sue had supplied them with McKinley's set list, and despite her many protestations of lack of proof, he kicks her off cheerios and suspends her from the school. But she vows to get revenge against Schue. (Schue vs. Sue. Was this on purpose?)

In conclusion: APRIL?!?!?! How will we ever survive?

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 1x12 "Mattress"

I'm going to start off this Glee post with my five favorite quotes of the night (heavily featuring Sue, of course):
"While they were in there, I told them to yank out those tear ducts. Wasn't usin' 'em." - Sue

"You know, you three are boring me now. I'm gonna go do something else." - Sue

"Strangely, it did make me feel more American." - Artie, about getting a patriotic wedgie

"Do you think I have a potato head?" - Finn

"Today it just looks like you put lard in it." - Sue, about Will's hair

This week was all about the yearbook photos, or a lack thereof, for the gleeks, which ended up leading to a couple major revelations. The biggest one being that Will finally finds out that Terri has been faking the pregnancy. While this show does well with the frothy, I have to say that scene where he confronts her was very powerful. Good on Matthew Morrison, because he looked downright scary and broken at the same time.

The other revelation of sorts was Quinn fully embracing the glee club, delightfully threatening Sue if she decided to go through with her ban of the glee club because of the very cute and fun commercial they made. I have to say I wanted to be jumping around those mattresses with them.


Van Halen's Jump!

We also got two different songs with "Smile" as the title, with very different connotations to each of them... one being the Lily Allen version, the other the Charlie Chaplin one, which of course pulled at the ole heart strings.


Charlie Chaplin's Smile

In the end, the glee club got their picture in the yearbook, but it was defaced just like normal. And Will was disqualified from leading the club to sectionals because of the whole mattresses as compensation for the commercial thing. But next week is sectionals. And it looks like Finn finally finds out just who Quinn's baby daddy really is. After that, it is going to be a desolate four months until the show finally returns in April. Man, I don't want to think about it.

Next Episode