Glee 2x16 "Original Song"

Holy frijoles, people. That was a whole lotta singing going on tonight. If I was thinking seven songs was pushing the limit, I was clearly noodles, because tonight there were seven full length songs, plus four partial songs! One thing I will credit this episode for, however, was making me feel emotionally invested in some of these people again. I may or may not have gotten a wee tear in my eye when New Directions finally won Regionals. Because yes, they won. Obviously they would win, we're only at episode 16 of this season, and we knew from the top that their goal was to get to Nationals. And they have, so there.

What happened besides that in this episode? Seriously, not a whole lot. How could there be room for much story when so much singing was going on? Thus, I give you story bullet points:

- Kurt tells Blaine that the Warblers have become Blaine and the Pips, and after Kurt dose a heart-stirring rendition of Blackbird for the group (in honor of the passing of their bird Pavarotti), Blaine decides he and Kurt should do a duet at Regionals. Not only that, they should also be a real live duet. As in, dating. As in, kissing. As in, Kurt's wildest dreams come true. Even though they didn't win Regionals, they won each other. That is practically a direct quote, sapsters. But don't you just see Kurt eventually getting back with New Directions just in time for Nationals? I see it in my very own crystal ball.

- Quinn decides that she has to lock down Finn for prom, and the only way to do that is to befriend the enemy - namely, Rachel. So, she backs up Rachel's idea to perform original songs at Regionals, and suggests the two of them write a song together. Rachel finally starts to pick up on the fact that there is something going on with the 'inns, and confronts Quinn about it. Quinn basically tells her to grow up, which inspires Rachel's solo song, which in turn, makes Finn see what he saw in Rachel in the first place. Plan, backfired.

- After some false starts with other song attempts, New Directions pulls it together to knock it out of the park at Regionals with their original song, Loser Like Me. They take all of the crap that has been thrown their way (most noticeably by Sue... dirt in lockers, letters asking names to be changed to Loser...), and turn it into something positive, and get the ultimate reward - victory. Also victorious? Rachel, who wins the newly minted MVP award.

That's all, folks. Seriously.

Songs:
Misery - Blaine ft. Warblers
Only Child - Rachel
Blackbird - Kurt ft. Warblers
Trouty Mouth - Santana
Big Ass Heart - Puck
Hell to the No - Mercedes
Jesus is My Friend - Aural Intensity
Candles - Kurt & Blaine
Raise Your Glass - Warblers
Get It Right - Rachel
Loser Like Me - New Directions

Quotes:

"Consider this the opening salvo of World War Sue." - Sue

"All I know is, you blew me off, to be with Stubbles McCripplepants." - Santana

"I don't even remember putting that in there." - Brittany

"That Dalton Academy... is it a gay school, or is it just a school that appears gay?" - Sister Mary Constance

Previous Episode

Glee 2x15 "Sexy"

Can I confess something? I know I write these recaps every week and all, and that should mean that I'm a fan of the show I'm recapping, but... I'm kind of over Glee. I got so into it during the first season, and while there are certainly still moments now, for me the magic is pretty much gone. Poof! I know a lot of people have felt this way, but it's making me want to scrap recapping it altogether. And when nobody comments, I'm inclined to believe no one else would care either. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong in the, gasp, comments.

Until I am pushed off the proverbial ledge, let's talk about this week's episode. It was all about sex. Sort of. It was supposed to be about educating the kids on sex because they had some wacky views (for example, Brittany thought a baby would be delivered to her by a stork). Of course, much like the episode on alcohol, it mostly involved the kids (and returning guest star Gwyneth Paltrow as Holly Holiday) singing sexy songs instead.

But what did actually happen story-wise? Emma had resurrected the celibacy club, mostly because she and Carl, who have been married for four months now, still haven't done it, because she won't. She thinks this is entirely okay, but Carl gets her to sit down with Holly to figure out the problem, and it turns out that she still has feelings for Will (der). They decide to take a break for a while. Wah wah.

After hearing that the New Directions crew are going to be sexing up their image from a misinformed Sue, Blaine decides the Warblers need to do the same. So they perform for their sister school, and apparently think that a bunch of bubbles are sexy. Okay.... Blaine also comes to realize that Kurt is totally uncomfortable with the sex stuff too, and when he won't let Blaine try to help him through it, Blaine recruits Burt to talk to Kurt. They have what is quickly becoming a patented father-son chat-for-the-ages and *yawn.* What? I should still care? Pardon me.

Will has an obvious crush on Holly, and tries to act on it, but she shuts him down, not wanting to open herself up. In the end, she decides she should actually try having a real relationship, and they kiss.

The biggest and closest-as-this-show-can-come-to-heartening-anymore storyline of the night involved Santana and Brittany. Santana wants to get back to their lady loving ways, but Brittany is tired of doing that without talking about their feelings about it all. They go to Holly for some advice, and she says they should try explaining their feelings in song. Through the song she chooses, Santana basically tells Brittany that she loves her, but she's afraid to go down that road. She also tells her that point blank later on, but since Brittany is still with Artie, and loves him too, she shoots her down. For now, anyway.

In other relationship news, Lauren and Puck contemplate making a sex tape until Holly informs them it would be child pornography, so they end up both joining the celibacy club together. Quinn and Finn have been secretly spending time together, and it appears they will continue to do so at least until next week when it looks like Rachel might make a further play for him.

Oh, and next week is Regionals, with original songs. A miracle or a disaster? Only time shall tell, I guess.

Songs:

Do You Wanna Touch Me - Holly
Animal - Warblers
Kiss - Will & Holly
Landslide - Holly, Santana & Brittany
Afternoon Delight - Puck, Emma, Quinn, Rachel & Carl

Quotes:

"How about you and I pop in some Sweet Valley High this evening, get our cuddle on?" - Santana
"Look, I'd really like to get my sweet lady kisses on, but I haven't been feeling very sexy lately." - Brittany

"Mmm. That's a waste of some fine man butt." - Holly

"So, just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with. And everybody's got a random." - Holly

"I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin." - Kurt

"Let's be clear here, I'm not interested in any labels, unless it's on something I shoplift." - Santana

"I made out with a mannequin. I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just in the shape of a person." - Santana

"Oh, I know hickeys. I'm a frickin' connoisseur. I can make them into shapes like balloon animals." - Puck

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

Glee 2x14 "Blame it on the Alcohol"

This week's blatant theme of the week - alcohol is bad! Not quite a "super special" episode, but in Glee land, it came close. I did like that they only had four songs. I know I say that every single time they have less than five, but seriously, sometimes they have six, and that's just too many.

For Alcohol Awareness Week, Figgins tasked the glee club with coming up with something for an assembly at the end of the week. This somehow led them to suddenly desire having a party thanks to Rachel's dads being out of town, where they all got really drunk, which led to a hot kiss between Rachel and Blaine... and can I just say? Those two have more chemistry than Rachel and Finn. Am I alone in thinking that? Their duet was kind of great, too. Rachel decided she wanted to try and take the relationship further, and asked Blaine out on a date. He agree, suddenly unsure of whether he was actually gay or not, since he'd never really had a boyfriend either. Kurt freaks out about it, as he tends to do a lot lately. In the end, when Rachel kisses him while they're both sober, Blaine decides that he really is gay, so it was only a brief flirtation with the ladies.

Meanwhile, Beiste told Will that he really needed to de-stress and relax after everything that's been going on in his life lately. She took him to Rosalita's Roadhouse, a honky tonk bar, and he got totally wasted. He ended up drunk dialing Emma, or so he thought. I think we all knew as soon as Sue's name showed up on his phone that he would accidentally dial her. But that didn't stop her from doing the obvious and playing the message over the speaker phone for the entire school to hear. The dangers of drunk dialing, to be sure.

And what happened at the big assembly? The kids decided to perform a Ke$ha song, but ended up getting sick in the middle of it thanks to all of the drinking they'd been doing. Figgins thinks it was all acting on their part, and congratulates them on a job well done, because the kids in school have stopped showing up drunk. I don't know if school is different now, but I hardly ever recall seeing people drunk at school. This comes as a surprise to absolutely no one, I'm sure.

In the end, Will gets the club to agree to sign a pact to stop drinking, at least until they are done with Nationals.

There was also a whole bit about Burt getting upset with Kurt for letting Blaine stay the night without his permission, which Kurt got all pissy about. Kurt has become rather unlikable lately, and so has Finn for that matter. When he told a drunk Rachel that she was being needy and annoying at the party? Jeez. Someone deflate that huge head of his already.

Songs:

Don't You Want Me - Blaine & Rachel
Blame it on the Alcohol - Artie, Puck, Mercedes, Santana
One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer - Will & Beiste
Tik Tok - Brittany

Quotes:

"Tell them I'll go if they go." - Mercedes
"Tell them yourself, I ain't no pony express." - Artie

"But it's alcohol awareness week." - Brittany
"Precisely, and I am aware of how much fun alcohol is." - Santana

"It tastes like pig! It tastes like piiiiig!" - Rachel

"You know, I sat through that whole Brokeback Mountain. From what I gather, something went down in the tent." - Burt

"How 'bout you crack a Four Loco, Count Boozy Von Drunk a Ton?" - Santana

"That's a fair amount of the pot calling the kettle black right now." - Quinn
"That is so racist..." - Brittany

"Who cares about you, buddy? I may get a new boyfriend out of this who can keep up with me vocally and in the future give me vaguely Eurasian looking children." - Rachel

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

Glee 2x13 "Comeback"

As the title of this week's episode so helpfully tells us, comebacks were the name of the game tonight. Whether it was Sue trying to get her mojo back, Sam trying to win Quinn over, or Rachel trying to be a trendsetter. Incomplete sentence! Hurrah!

Sam, after feeling threatened by Finn, decides he's going to win Quinn back over by going full Bieber. Though you wouldn't think such an idea would work, it ends up having exactly he effect he wants, sending all of the girls into a tizzy, and the other guys (minus Finn) in the group joining him for some more Bieber. While it does sway Quinn in Sam's direction, he is eventually forced to admit to himself, via a pep talk from the unlikely Santana, that he knows that Quinn kissed Finn. He breaks up with Quinn, and starts up with Santana. I just hope he never loses his inner dork, because that is my favorite thing about him. Also, Sam? How dare you make me start singing Justin Bieber songs. How dare you.

Meanwhile, Rachel is set on getting her groove back by setting herself up as a fashion trendsetter at the school. I really don't see her reasoning behind this, but whatever. She recruits Brittany to help her do just that, by wearing the stuff that Rachel already wears, thereby making it cool. It ends up backfiring in her face, though, when everyone gives the credit to Brittany. She also tries to convince the group that in order to win Regionals, they will have to perform a number they write themselves, but is shot down. Finn, however, tells her to do it anyway, and knock their socks off, because he thinks she really can do it.

The biggest comeback story tonight, though, was reserved for one Sue Sylvester. After being knocked off her pedestal, she feels she has nothing to live for. Somehow, Emma convinces both she and Will that she should join the glee club to regain her spirit. Of course, it was all just a ploy of hers to get behind enemy lines and destroy them from within. She first attempts to do this by stirring up diva-tension between Rachel and Mercedes, but that ends up backfiring on her. Will then tries to sway her into realizing she's doing pretty fine comparatively, by taking her to sing with some of the sick kids in the hospital cancer ward. It looks like it's done the trick when she does a full number with the glee kids, but it turns out she was just using them to see how the club really works. Why's that? Because she's somehow managed to make herself the new coach of Aural Intensity, the rival club. How that would ever actually happen in the real world is beyond me, but I guess that's Glee for you.

Elsewhere, Puck was still trying to win over Lauren. He gets one step closer by helping her overcome her fear of performing in front of people with the advice to picture them in their underwear. I'm sorry, do people actually do that? I mean, really? I don't want to see some people in their underwear, thanks.

This episode felt more like classic Glee, which is never a bad thing. Though they are really being weird with Finn's character lately. He's a nice guy, he's a douche... I don't know.

Songs:

Baby - Sam
Somebody to Love - Sam & Artie
Take Me or Leave Me - Rachel & Mercedes
This Little Light of Mine - Will, Sue & kids
I Know What Boys Like - Lauren
Sing - whole club

Quotes:

"Will, you have more grease in your hair than the guy behind Wiki Leaks." - Sue

"Of course. My dad always said there are two ways to get a woman to love you: take her hunting, and rock and roll." - Sam

"I wore a tank top today because I thought it was summer. No one ever taught me how to read a calendar." - Brittany

"I agree with Spongehair Squarechin." - Sue

"Who can tell us what an anthem is?" - Will
"The bottom of an ant's pants." - Brittany

"And William, I don't care how adorable those kids are, if I hear one song from that classic rock outfit Journey, I will start pulling catheters." - Sue

"Here's how I see it. I know I'm the hottest bitch in this joint. If I was a country, my flag would be a big fist giving the rest of the world the finger." - Lauren

"I wants on them froggy lips, and I wants on 'em now." - Santana

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

Glee 2x12 "Silly Love Songs"

Whoa, two episodes of Glee in three days' time, I don't know if I can handle it. This episode felt more like classic Glee than the big Super Bowl post show did, which is really a relief, because, you know what? I didn't really like the Super Bowl episode much. And here's the thing. This episode had no Sue, that episode had lots of Sue. And while Sue always has the best lines, she kind of overtakes things, and not in a good way. This is nothing against Jane Lynch, who is fantastic. I just feel like the writers do not know how to keep such a huge cast occupied.

That being said, this episode was mostly enjoyable. What I didn't like - the whole Finn/Quinn sudden romantic re-emergence. We had absolutely no hint that they still had real feelings for each other until the last episode, when suddenly they did. Um, okay. This week, Finn decides that he's going to win her back by having a kissing booth, thereby apparently goading her into kissing him, and realizing she wants to do more of it. Finn, who was so upset at being cheated on both times, now is encouraging Quinn to cheat a second time. Idiot. At least she pointed out this idiocy to him, but he just brushed it off and got her to kiss him again. Yeesh.

Meanwhile, Puck has found himself suddenly infatuated with Lauren, and I have to say, that whole storyline had me laughing. Loved it. What's great about Lauren, Puck pointed out, is that she is just as much of a badass as him, and doesn't take crap from anyone. That means that Puck has work at it, and can't just expect her to like him because he's hot. He tries to profess his interest to her in song, but chooses an offensive one, so she's put off. He then tries to make it up to her, but she blows him off. In the end, she tells him that if he wants to have something, they have to take it slow. Will this last long? Who knows. But it made for some hilarity this episode.

Santana, however, was not so happy about Puck's sudden infatuation. So how did she decide to get over being rebuffed by the dude with the mohawk? By getting revenge.... on Quinn and Finn. Um. Okay? She noticed the way they were looking at each other, and devised a plan to give Finn mono via the kissing booth he set up, so then he would in turn give it to Quinn. And lo, they both got mono in approximately 12 hours. Does it really only take that long? Wait, this is Glee, believability is not always a strong point. Quinn and Finn have to go off to the nurse's office, where Quinn tells Finn that if they ever were to have a chance back together, they both have to sort out what they feel for Sam and Rachel.


In the last major storyline of the evening, Blaine confessed to Kurt that he wanted to profess his love for a friend, in musical fashion. Kurt, of course, thought that the friend in question was him, but actually it was just a guy that works at the Gap. The guy from the Gap does not like Blaine's big romantic gesture so much, because he, you know, got fired, and wasn't actually out to his coworkers. Whoops. This prompts Kurt to eventually tell Blaine how he feels about him, though, and they agree to be friends first and see here it goes. Seems to be a theme, no?

Anyone else notice that look between Sam and Santana? Are they going to have a love story? I think it would be kind of cool to see Santana actually fall for someone. I could get behind those two, not gonna lie.

Otherwise, Rachel decided that she's going to take a break from romantic entanglements and focus on her career. After how Finn acted in this entire episode, seriously, good for her.

Songs:
Fat Bottomed Girls - Puck
PYT (Pretty Young Thing) - Artie
When I Get You Alone - Blaine
My Funny Valentine - Tina
Firework - Rachel
Silly Love Songs - Blaine

Quotes:

"Also, those candies you gave me? They all sucked." - Lauren
"But you ate all of them." - Puck
"I had to make sure they all sucked." - Lauren

"You know, I've kissed Finn. And can I just say? Not worth a buck. I would, however, pay $100 to jiggle one of his man boobs." - Santana

"That's my man, his legs don't work!" - Brittany

"Please, I've had mono so many times, it turned into stereo." - Santana

"I don't think I've ever made that big of a fool of myself. Which is really saying something, because I've performed at theme parks." - Blaine

"Can I be honest with you? I like you. I used to think you were smokin', but a lot of that had to do with the fact that I thought you were mixed-race, and that never fails to get me goin'." - Lauren

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

Glee 2x11 "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle"

You know, I remember a time last season when this show had a very similar plot about the football players doing a dance number. Remember? Single Ladies? In fact, lots of the storylines on this show are the same week after week. The glee club gets slushies, the football team calls them losers, Karofsky's a homophobe, Sue is a dictator who will do anything to elevate the Cheerios. Blah blah blah, heard it all before!
In any event, this week's episode was about the championships for both the football team and the cheerios. The football team was in disarray because half of them look down on the other half for being in glee. Will and Beiste decide to band together to try to bridge the rift by getting the football team to try out glee for a week. Things go bad (fights!), then good (they agree to do a halftime show), then bad again after the hockey team (complete with mullets) slushies the football team. They get a taste of their own medicine, and immediately decide to quit, which means they won't be able to play in the big game.

Meanwhile, Sue has gone overboard with the cheerios nationals number, buying a cannon to make things bigger and more insane. She also gets the board to set the championship during the same time as the football game, thus forcing Quinn, Brittany and Santana to choose between the two. They choose the cheerios, because they don't want to be losers or whatever. Loserdom was the theme of the evening, clearly.

Rather than just let the guys forfeit the football game, the ladies of glee step up to join the football team. Only once they start getting trounced and Tina almost gets seriously hurt, Finn decides they've got to fix things. He takes off to get the cheerleaders back, and Puck manages to rouse the other guys to come back and do the halftime show they had planned. The show goes off great, and they are able to bring it back together and win the game in the end. All is well, right? Well, not so much. Because though Karofsky had a great time singing and dancing, that doesn't mean he's going to permanently join glee. Surprised? Not me.

Sue ended up losing what would have been her 7th consecutive cheerleading national championship without Quinn, Brittany and Santana, and is faced with the terrible truth that her extra funding will now be going to the glee club.

Quinn seemed to suddenly be more into Finn than she has been, ever, this week when he stepped up and got in her face about not choosing glee over the cheerios. She even kissed him at the end of the episode. I guess she and Sam are not going to work out?

I have to say my favorite part of the whole episode was, after Sue was going on her rampage, Will was in the locker room with Beiste and telling her about it, then Sue comes in and continues the rampage in there too. That made me laugh out loud.

I will also say that I thought the music numbers this week were all pretty great. If I had to pick a favorite, it would have to go to the Warblers' rendition of Bills, Bills, Bills.

Enough from me - what did you think?

Songs:

Need You Now - Rachel and Puck
Thriller/Heads Will Roll - Cast ft. Artie
She's Not There - Finn
Bills, Bills, Bills - Warblers ft. Blaine

Quotes:

"Dear Journal, I am in crisis. Not even the can't lose combination of boobs and fire can get me going anymore. Is it the raccoon hormones my new doctor gave me?" - Sue

"You guys have gotta find a way to come together or we're gonna get our asses kicked from here until Tuesday finds a saddlebag full of buckwheat!" - Beiste

"I don't wanna die yet, at least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled." - Brittany

"The glee club together with the football team is like a double rainbow. A zombie double rainbow." - Brittany

"I don't sing and dance! I walk big and tall and carry a big stick!" - Karofsky

"How many m's are there in the letter r?" - Brittany

"I'm gonna die." - Brittany
"It'll be worth it." - Santana

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x10 "A Very Glee Christmas"

Tonight's holiday episode was overloaded with songs, which is no surprise. Their special episodes always get bloated that way. Not that I don't enjoy Christmas music, but I like Glee so much better when the episodes actually care more about the stories than the songs. Call me crazy. Moving on.

In what shouldn't really come as a surprise to anyone, Artie finds out at the top of the hour that Brittany still believes in Santa. He decides to convince the glee club to just go with it, to let her have the magic of Christmas. They agree, but things get complicated when they go to visit Santa at the mall and Brittany asks for Artie to be able to walk. That's a wish they just can't quite grant. They recruit Coach Beiste to help out with the situation, dressing up as Santa to go visit Brittany and let her down gently. Beiste does her best to do just that, but Britt just isn't feeling the Christmas spirit anymore. Artie takes her home to console her, and there they find this swanky walking machine thing that can make Artie walk for short periods of time. A Christmas miracle? Sort of. Coach Beiste bought it and secretly put it in Brittany's living room, making one Christmas wish come true. D'awww. Jeez. I must be a sap because I may have had a tear in my eye.

Meanwhile, Rachel is trying to get back into Finn's good graces by embracing his love of Christmas. She tries to give him the gift of her song (gag) and later tries to kiss him while they're looking for a tree. Finn, however, is not having it. After having his only two girlfriends both cheat on him, I'd say he's got a point. He says they're broken up for good, but I think there's still a light at the end of that tunnel.

Sue does what comes naturally to her - she decides to sabotage the secret santa the teachers do every year by making everyone get her as their person. This results in the teachers rebelling and taking all of the gifts back to give to charity. Sue won't have it, though, and dresses up as the Grinch, with Becky as her reindog, to steal all of the stuff back again. At first she gets to revel in her "win," but when she sees that despite her trying to ruin Christmas, the glee kids still have the spirit anyway, she decides to turn things around. You see, Will is feeling lonely during this time of year now that he's divorced and Emma has married Carl. When he comes home to his empty house, he soon finds out that it's not empty. Sue has set up all of the stuff she stole in his living room, with the help of the glee kids. She does still gift him with a razor, for shaving off his hair, naturally.

And that's about it. I will say that I loved Will's idea of "A Soul" for Sue's gift, and how his act of rebellion leaving her office was to take the phone off the hook. I barely wrote down any quotes tonight, though. Is it my laziness, or were there not that many? Perhaps a combination of the two. Oh well.

Songs:

The Most Wonderful Day of the Year
We Need a Little Christmas
Merry Christmas, Darling
Baby, It's Cold Outside
You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch (or Sue the Grinch)
Last Christmas
Welcome Christmas

Quotes:

"My mastery of camouflage was the only thing that kept me from being court-martialed after that Mee-Li misunderstanding." - Sue (that's just my best guess)

"You know what they say, early's late if you make tomorrow yesterday." - Beiste

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x09 "Special Education"

What's this? It's already time for Sectionals? It seems like the our erstwhile gleeks have barely been preparing for it, unlike last year, when it was all about sectionals. Perhaps that's because they've got so much personal drama going on? In truth, they don't really have that much drama, it just likes to spin out of control. You know, teenagers, heightened emotions. Whatnot.
Last week, Kurt left McKinley High for Dalton Academy, and now he's joining up with their glee club, the Warblers. Things work a bit differently with the Warblers than New Directions. They don't have an adviser a la Mr. Schue, rather a trio of elders that oversee things and basically make all the decisions. Kurt tries to bring his requisite flare to his new supposed comrades, but soon finds out that individuality isn't so much celebrated amongst the Warblers as tolerated. Though he is invited to try out for a solo for their sectionals piece, he doesn't get it, instead singing and shimmying with the rest of the guys while his new buddy what's-his-face gets the solo instead. I literally cannot remember his character's name. There are too many characters to keep track of on this show sometimes.

Back at McKinley, Will is looking forward to spending time with Emma at sectionals, but his hopes are soon dashed when she tells him she can't go, due to the whole Carl situation. Instead, Carl whisks her off to Vegas and they apparently get hitched, which she reveals to Will after sectionals. He gets the mopey face agoing, but hey, at least he has bigger fish to fry. Because yep, they get to go to Regionals again this year!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Not only did Emma shoot down Will romantically, she also shot holes in what he had been planning for Sectionals, which was more of the same they always do. So, he decides to change it up. Rather than featuring Rachel and Finn, he decides he's going to feature Sam and Quinn, as well as Brittany and Mike's dancing skillz. Rachel, naturally, goes into a tizzy, which somehow leads to Santana spilling the beans about her dalliance with Finn back in the day. Tensions in the group continue to rise as Tina and Artie become suspicious of Mike and Brittany spending so much time together, supposedly "rehearsing." Their suspicions were completely unfounded, though, so the Asians get to have an Asian kiss, and Artie and Brittany continue on as well.

But Rachel and Finn? Well. After the group gets a nice talking from Schue to at Sectionals after some in fighting and bands together to rock it (though they did end up tying with Warblers), Finn and Rachel look like they are going to repair things. But then Rachel confesses that while she was so mad at Finn, she took up with Puck, and they might've gone all the way if Puck hadn't stopped it, not wanting to repeat what he did to Finn in the past. Finn can't take that Rachel would do something like that, and breaks up with her. Will they stay broken up? I suppose only time will tell.

As for the music tonight, the only song I didn't like was Don't Cry For Me Argentina. That's no surprise, I am not a fan of the Broadway-type ballads. I did like that we actually got to hear Tina sing a significant amount in Dog Days Are Over. We never get to hear her voice!

Songs:

Don't Cry For Me Argentina - Rachel & Kurt
The Living Years - The Hipsters
Hey, Soul Sister - Warblers
(I've Had) the Time of My Life - New Directions, featuring Sam & Quinn
Valerie - New Directions, featuring Santana
Dog Days Are Over - Mercedes & Tina

Quotes:

"I'm paralyzed with fear. I've been here since second period. I really, really have to pee." - Brittany

"Glee needs you to be it's ambassador." - Will
"More like it's am-badass-ador." - Puck

"Where's Puck? I haven't seen him since yesterday and I need him to get me a churro." - Santana

"If we lose, we should throw opossums." - Brittany

"Buddah! Allah! Satan! Help me!" - Puck

"Have you noticed her ignoring you lately?" - Tina
"Not really, it's Shark Week." - Artie

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x08 "Furt"

This was like a secret Bruno Mars tribute episode, yeah? Two out of four (that's half, math whizzes!) songs were from the Mars oeuvre. And let us also take a pause and revel in the fact that there were only four songs this week. No more bloated episodes, please and thanks!
Tonight's episode touched on, or rather pounced on, the bullying issue that has been playing out the past few weeks with Karofsky and Kurt. Kurt constantly feels terrified in school, and Will finally decides to take action. I suppose I shouldn't say finally, I don't think he really knew to what extent it was going on, or if he knew at all. Either way, he takes Kurt to see Sue, who is still acting as principal, to try to solve the problem, but she says her hands are tied unless he does something more than just threaten Kurt. Kurt's fellow Glee clubbers aren't okay with that, so Rachel suggests the other guys who are on the football team get in Karofsky's face about it, only Finn is skittish about the idea, not wanting to jeopardize his status in school. So, Artie, Mike and Sam go to Kurt's defense in the locker room, getting into a fight. But things don't really change until Burt sees Karofsky make some sort of gesture at Kurt, and nearly attacks the kid himself. After a joint meeting with Sue, Karofsky gets expelled. But, he is soon let back in after a school board hearing. Because he doesn't feel safe, Burt and Finn's mom Carole decide to transfer him to that all boy's school, who I have also forgotten the name of.

Speaking of Burt and Carole, they have decided to tie the knot. And rather quickly too, since they only just announce it, and it's happening at the end of the episode. Of course, with Kurt planning things, that's not too big of a surprise. I have to say, while their wedding could have turned totally saccharine, I think the actors really pulled it off without drowning in sap. I may or may not have teared up. Shut it, I cry at weddings, even fictional ones, I can't help it. The whole singing down the aisle thing was really cute and fun. And, thanks to some insightful words from both Burt and his mom (and through seeing what the other glee clubbers did for him), Finn realizes he's been acting like a jerk about the whole Kurt situation, and does a whole big song and dance number to tell Kurt that he'll be there for him from now on. Step-brothers!

Burt and Carole aren't the only ones getting married, however. Wedding bells seem to be ringing all over town. The anchors at the news station where Sue does her show announce they are getting married, which puts Sue in a tizzy. She decides she should get married, but that the only person worthy of marrying her is... herself. And she will officiate it herself. And she will walk herself down the aisle. But that will not happen before her mom, Doris, makes an appearance to, wouldn't you know it, bully her around a bit, and generally talk about Nazi hunting a lot. Through the combined experience of dealing with her mom and seeing what's been going with bullying at the school, Sue decides to step down as principal, so Figgins will be returning.

In tiny sideplot news, Sam was determined to make Quinn his girlfriend. At first he tries to win her over with a promise ring and some nice words, but it isn't until he defends Kurt and inspires Finn to come around that Quinn decides to take him up on the offer.

Songs:

Ohio - Doris & Sue
Marry You - Everyone
Sway - Will
Just the Way You Are - Finn

Quotes:

"So shine on, urban campers, you smell like adventure." - Sue

"My power rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac." - Kurt

"Lady, this kid lays a finger on you, you come straight to me, and I'll expel him faster than a Thai place can read back your delivery order." - Sue

"When you guys fooled around, did he ever just... lie there?" - Brittany

"Besides, I miss my office. This room smells weird. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot of dead skin." - Sue

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x07 "The Substitute"

Glee got a dose of movie star power tonight with guest star Gwyneth Paltrow - and it was a refreshing jolt of unexpected wacky. The episode itself was sort of all over the place, but on the whole one of the better ones of this rather uneven second season. The episode is titled "The Substitute," which has meaning for pretty much every story....

Sue puts herself in the place of ultimate school power when she inserts herself as principal when Figgins comes down with a nasty flu. She immediately tries to disband the football team, but is brought back down to earth when Beiste reminds her that her Cheerios won't have anyone to cheer for without the football team. Loved seeing Sue get taken down a peg, gotta say. She instead shifts her focus elsewhere, for some reason to fried foods. Honestly there was not a lot of connection here, and the whole fried food thing didn't have much bearing on anything else going on, except to sub into the Mercedes/Kurt storyline. Because apparently with Kurt having Blaine around, Mercedes has turned her attention to these tator tots? Random. Don't get me wrong, I love me some tots, too, but... so much of that storyline felt forced. It totally makes sense that Mercedes feels left out now that Kurt has Blaine around, but somehow Kurt turned that around to Mercedes having been using Kurt as a substitute to finding a boyfriend for herself and blah blah. Too overuse of the substitute metaphor here.

Anyway, on to other things. Not only did Figgins come down with the flu, Schue was also dosed with it. And in came this week's breath of fresh air with the substitute Spanish, and soon glee club, teacher - Holly Holliday. She's a little bit out there and likes to mix things up to get more on the kids' level when she's subbing. The kids, naturally, take to her new style like moths to the flame, and it's not long before Sue has decided she's going to fire Schue and hire Holly to replace him. Because in whatever short space of time she's been acting as principal, she claims that Figgins has been fired, and she has been offered the job. Move at light speed much, show? In any event, Will is rather devastated by this news, as you'd expect, but he's not long out of a job. Because, it turns out, Holly is great at being friendly with the kids, but not great when it comes to discipline and anything like that. She quits, and Will re-joins the fold.

While he's been sick, however, we are forced to deal with the return of Terri, who likes to pretend he's a baby when he's sick. Ew. That was just disturbing in so many ways. Also, they have sex. She thinks it means something more, but he tells her that it was a mistake and to leave for good. Is this the last we'll see of her? She didn't grate on me as much this time around as she has in the past but... as Holly said, she's kind of a bitch.

Is it me, or did there seem to be some kind of vibe between Will and Holly? In the end, he goes to her to help get the glee kids jazzed about doing an older number, so they make it a mash up between something old and new, and you know? I wouldn't mind her coming back more often. Just saying.

Songs:

Forget You - Holly
Make 'em Laugh - Will
Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag - Rachel & Holly
Umbrella/Singin' in the Rain - Holly & Will

Quotes:

"First order of business: destroy the glee club." - Sue
"I thought we were friends." - Will
"That got old." - Sue

"You smell homeless, Brett. Homeless." - Kurt

"What would you know about Cee-Lo? You're like, 40." - Santana
"Top 40, sweet cheeks." - Holly

"Humiliation! Bested by the Beiste." - Sue

"They look like deep-fried deer poop." - Brittany

"When I showed this to Brittany earlier, she began to whimper, thinking I had cut down a small tree where a family of gummy bears lived." - Sue

"I told her not to touch my tots." - Mercedes

"Her name was Cameo. She was like an attractive Biggie Smalls." - Holly

"Hi, I'm Holly Holliday." - Holly
"Are you a porn star or a drag queen?" - Terri

"Mr. Schuester taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I felt they were too similar and got frustrated." - Brittany

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x06 "Never Been Kissed"

O.M.G. Finally an episode that is not so fully bloated with songs that there are actual stories going on! Only four songs this time, rather than seven?! Yes, yes, and a little more yes! Okay. I'll calm down now. But seriously, this is the sort of episode I expect from Glee, and I'm happy that the show did not feel the need to have a million songs this week.
Since I'm apparently such a stickler for the stories here, let's break it down, shall we?

Kurt's still gay, so the bullies say hey

Kurt seems to get a lot of the meaty storylines lately, and this week is no exception. He is still dealing with constant taunting by a particular jock at school, whose name I don't know, thanks to his status as the only out gay guy in the school. Will tries to reach out to him, but it doesn't really help since no one can really understand. He decides to go check out a competing school's glee club, the Warblers from some all boys private school, and while there meets this guy Blaine, who looks to be the lead of the club. Later, when talking to them, Blaine reveals that he's gay and part of why he goes to that school is because of the bullying he used to receive. He tells Kurt to stand up to the guy. Kurt does just that, and gets a surprise (not so much a surprise to me, I'm afraid) when the guy ends up kissing him, which we later learn was his first kiss. Though this would seem to be a sign that he would stop taunting Kurt, he just continues to do so. Kurt tries to enlist Blaine's help in talking to the dude, but it doesn't look like that guy's going to be coming to terms with his sexuality anytime soon. Unfortunately, high school is one of the worst places to be gay, even in today's society, so Kurt's plight is far from over.

Puck's back in town, but will he stick around?

Puck is out of juvie early because he said he would do community service, which to him means helping out Artie, by showing him how to make random money from classmates and how to ask out Brittany. Because apparently Artie sort of likes her, even though we've had no indication that he had any residual feelings for her since their tryst. Okay then. So Puck and Artie go on a double date with Santana and Brittany, and all the while Puck is basically bragging about his time spent in the underage clink, telling stories of waffle domination and the like. But when he finds out that helping out Artie doesn't count as his community service, and that if he doesn't choose something else instead (apparently only picking up garbage on the side of the road counts here), he'll have to go back to juvie, the truth comes out. Juvie was not so great. People kept stealing his waffles. Artie proposes that he'll help out Puck with his geometry while Puck does the community service, and Puck agrees. I kind of love these two as friends, don't you?

Beistes get the blues, and enjoy kissing too

In order to "cool off" before heading into sexy times, the guys of glee (plus Tina) have started picturing Coach Beiste in varying states of undress. Some misunderstandings come about, leading to a couple of the Glee-sters to tell Beiste to stay away from their man (or woman). Coach Beiste confronts Will about what is going on, and Will is forced to tell her the truth. Though the fact that he talks sex with these kids somewhat often is kind of disturbing to me. Anyway, Beiste is rather hurt by their imaginings, and decides to quit, which was no one's intention. Will goes to try to talk her out of it, and they actually have a nice and meaningful conversation, wherein she confesses that she's never even been kissed. Will kisses her (not as cheesy as it could have been, but let's face it, still kind of cheesy and expected) and asks her to come see what the glee guys have put together for their mash up. She is touched by their outreach, and decides to stay.

Oh, right. There was an actual assignment for the club, which was just a rehash of the boys versus girls with song mash ups from the previous year. I have to say, though, I enjoyed all of the songs this week, which has been something of a rarity this season. Clap your hands say yeah!

Songs:
One Love/People Get Ready - Puck & Artie
Teenage Dream - Blaine
Livin' on a Prayer/Start Me Up - Girls
Free Your Mind/Stop in the Name of Love - Boys

Quotes:

"I've never actually almost killed a civil servant before." - Sam

"Okay, hold up. Like a million awesome gay jokes just popped into my head." - Santana

"...who would rather be dry humping a she-hulk. Oh dear God, why did I say that? Now that's what I'm picturing." - Sue

"Yeah, you can't really put a dollar amount on talent and fear." - Puck

"With those abs, you could be my very own situation." - Tina

"Watch your tone with me, missy, you crap on my leg, and I'll cut it off!" - Beiste

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x05 "The Rocky Horror Glee Show"

I'm sure a lot of Rocky Horror fans probably loved the homage in this episode, but to be perfectly honest, I was not feeling it. Perhaps that's because I've never seen Rocky Horror myself (the horror!), but it also could be because there was so very, very little story actually going on. It was all about the performances, yet again. I'm sick of the overload of songs!
Now that I've got that off of my chest. What was this week's show even about? Pretty much it was all just to teach Will a lesson about how he was using the glee club as a way to get close to Emma in a rather creepy way. He was being narrow-sighted about whatever and whatnot, which is his usual storyline. He gets called on it, and supposedly learns a lesson. Since Carl has started to help make Emma less OCD, he decides that if he loves her, he will let her go. For now. He made sure to add in a for now in there.

Otherwise, there were really only a couple of tiny side stories. Finn was worried about having to strip down to just his underwear, which, by the way, he called tightie whities, but they were in fact just plain white boxer shorts. That is not what a tightie whitie is, okay? Anyway. He spent the episode worrying about it, while Sam spent the episode reveling in his awesome body. Which, it turns out, is rather awesome. Hello abs! I'm kind of loving Sam, by the way. He's unexpectedly cheesily hilarious without knowing it. Finn ends up going down the school hallway in his underwear to try to prove a point of some kind, and almost gets suspended for a month.

The other main side story was that Sue was secretly going to undermine the show while pretending to be a proponent of it. She was approached by some cable dudes to run an expose on it. It doesn't happen, in the end, because Will decides not to put on the show. Wah wah.

And I mean literally, that's like all the story there was. Snooze.

The Songs... which I'm not linking this time. The links are taken down half the time. I'm sure if you're a fan you've downloaded them.

Science Fiction Double Feature
Damn it, Janet
Whatever Happened to Saturday Night?
Sweet Transvestite
Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me
There's a Light (Over At the Frankenstein Place)
Time Warp

Quotes:

"So what are you going to be for Halloween this year?" - Kurt
"I'm going as a peanut allergy." - Brittany

"I have no idea what's going on in this script, and it's not in a cool, Inception kind of way." - Finn

"Halloween is that magical day of the year when a child is told their grandmother's a demon who's been feeding them rat casserole with a crunchy garnish of their own scabs." - Sue

"It's gonna be ab-ulous." - Sam

"I should've known. People that dress like librarians, all sex addicts." - Sue

"I actually started showering with my shirt on." - Finn

"Oh wow. Damn those cool ranch Doritos." - Sam

"This play has incredible pacing problems." - Sue

"Get me some chocolate or I will cut you." - Becky

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x04 "Duets"

Guys, I'm a little burnt out on how many songs they've been doing each week. Seven. It just seems extreme. At least this time the songs were part of an assignment/competition in class and not just random. The competition was a duet for a chance to win a dinner at Breadsticks, which apparently everyone loves even though the breadsticks we saw there at the end look nasty. I do think they handled the songs with the stories a little bit better this week. Pretty much all of the teenage storylines were serviced in some way tonight. Let's just do a rundown, shall we?

Rachel & Finn - At first, they think they have this competition in the bag, but then Rachel starts to wonder if that's a good thing. If they win, then new member Sam (who has just decided to actually join) may not want to stay in the group, and they need him to win Nationals. Therefore, they decide to help Sam and purposefully lose the competition themselves. Bing, bang, boom. Easy enough when they decide to make their song overtly religious, particularly after last week's hoopla over everything religious.

Kurt - Kurt is immediately smitten with the new kid, and wants to be his duet partner. Finn, however, tries to talk him out of this, reasoning that if Sam sings with Kurt, he's going to be basically an automatic pariah, which is bad for everyone. Kurt is upset by this, but after lamenting to his dad about it, Burt basically tells him that while it may not be right, what Finn is saying is nonetheless true. Kurt withdraws as Sam's partner and does a "duet" with himself instead.

Sam & Quinn - As already mentioned, Sam was supposed to do a duet with Kurt at first. He didn't seem to have any real issues with that, so we know he's not a homophobe. But, when Kurt backs out as his partner, he and Quinn gravitate toward each other. And things are looking mighty steamy between these two. Quinn puts the kibosh on it when he tries to kiss her, though, because she's already been through so much and doesn't need that kind of crap again. But, they do end up doing a very cute duet together, and end up winning the competition thanks to the votes of Rachel and Finn. They have dinner at Breadsticks and it looks like there could be more brewing for them. At least until Puck gets back from juvie! Are you guys liking Sam? He's kind of goofy and a little bit weird in an endearing way. I'd be fine with him sticking around.

Brittany & Artie - After Santana is a bitch to Brittany and basically dumps her to partner up with Mercedes in the competition (and if anyone had any lingering doubts that there was more than just a friendship between Brittany and Santana, I think that was cleared right up in this episode!), Brittany goes to Artie for partnership. Which apparently means automatic relationship in her world. They end up doing the nasty, but then Artie gets hurt when he finds out that Brittany was just using him to win the competition. It was a brief but rather sad scene where he explained to her how it meant more to him because he wasn't sure he would even be able to do it at all. We also got to see some rare emotion from Brittany, who actually seemed to feel bad, and also lonely without her Santana (or Satan, as someone wrote on their voting form! Loved that!).

Tina & Mike - Mike was really unsure about doing a duet with Tina, as he said he's really only there for the dancing and not for the singing. Tina was also upset because apparently all they do together is eat dim sum with his mom. Then he suggests going to Asian couples therapy ("Why does it have to be Asian?"). She tries to re-team with Artie for the duet, but he rebuffs her. This results in a fun duet back with Mike, where he doesn't really have to sing at all, but dance around a lot. Ah, Mike. Love him.

That's pretty much it in terms of story. Now on to the songs and quotes... As for the song that I am most likely to listen to, I would have to go with Lucky. Too much Broadway/showtunes for me this week in the songs otherwise. And also, random note: Rachel/Lea Michele needs to stop making such horrendous faces. I know a lot of people mention this, but damn. It was crazy-face central tonight.

The Duets:

Rachel & Finn - Don't Go Breaking My Heart
Santana & Mercedes - River Deep, Mountain High
Kurt - Le Jazz Hot
Mike & Tina - Sing!
Rachel & Finn - With You I'm Born Again (can't find this one)
Sam & Quinn - Lucky
Kurt & Rachel - Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy

Quotes:

"He may be the dumbest person on the planet, and that's coming from me." - Brittany

"Hi everybody. I'm Sam. Sam, I am. And I don't like green eggs and ham." - Sam

"What's a duet?" - Will
"A blanket." - Brittany

"For a while I thought you were a robot." - Brittany

"Welcome to glee club, lady lips!" - Football dude

"All I want is a normal salad that doesn't have chicken feet in it." -Tina

"How can you do a duet by yourself? That's like, vocal masturbation or something." - Santana

"I'm mad at you, but you're still so hot." - Brittany

"I thought I was over somebody, but I think I still have feelings for them." - Artie
"The Clintons?" - Brittany

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x03 "Grilled Cheesus"

I seem to remember reading somewhere that they were going to focus less on the songs and more on the story in this upcoming season... Um. I'm really not sure how that translates to seven, count 'em seven, songs in one episode. And for the most part, they were the complete songs too. That was a whole lot o' singing, and not a lot of story.

What there was of story basically boiled down to two plot points - the big one being Kurt's dad Burt having a heart attack. Everyone in the club tried to rally around Kurt to give him support, but when that support started to turn religious, hackles were raised. Kurt does not believe in God, and does not want such belief shoved down his throat. So everyone starts going on about spirituality and what it means to believe in a higher power, but most of it was done through song. Throughout the episode, it's not clear whether Burt will eventually wake up, or if he might possibly die. In the end, though, once Kurt has a bedside confession, he does stir. That confession came in the form of Kurt uttering the rather cheesy and predictable line something along the lines of: "I don't believe in God, but I believe in you."


Meanwhile, Finn was having his own religious epiphany of sorts. After making a grilled cheese sandwich, he noticed part of the grill looked like Jesus. This prompted him to pray to the grilled cheesus a few times for such classy things as winning a football game, being able to touch Rachel's boobs, and getting his spot back at quarterback. He does end up getting all three, but he only gets to be quarterback again because Sam gets hurt, which makes him question the whole thing.

The other, teeny tiny, subplot was Sue having a problem with the club expressing any religious views, because she herself does not believe in God. Which stems from her praying when she was a child for her sister to get better, but it never happening. This story doesn't really amount to much, though. She sees her sister at the end of the episode and they have a small chat, but as there is hardly any sort of arc, it honestly was kind of lame and pandery.

These sorts of episodes are tough, I grant you that. Asking big questions that don't have answers, or have too many answers from too many different people, is a big job to tackle on TV. But maybe if the focus had been put more on the story rather than showcasing performance after performance, it wouldn't have felt so frivolous. I did find the grilled cheesus hilarious, though.

The songs:

Only the Good Die Young - Puck
I Look to You - Mercedes
Papa Can You Hear Me - Rachel
I Want to Hold Your Hand - Kurt .... by FAR the best song of the night. This one actually almost brought me to tears.
Losing My Religion - Finn
Bridge Over Troubled Water - Mercedes + church choir
One of Us - whole club

Quotes:

"Whenever I pray, I fall asleep." - Brittany

"I'm a total Jew for Jesus. He's my number one Hebe." - Puck

"What up, grilled cheesus. I need to ask you for something. I didn't go to Sunday school, so I don't know if God works the same as a genie and I only get three wishes..." - Finn

"You can't prove there isn't a magic teapot floating around on the dark side of the moon with a dwarf inside of it that reads bromance novels and shoots lightning out of its boobs, but it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it?" - Kurt
"Is God a dwarf?" - Brittany

"I realize you're only half orangutan, but I'm still allergic to your lustrous, ginger mane." - Sue

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x02 "Britney/Brittany"

I think I can safely say that tonight's Britney Spears tribute/theme of an episode did not disappoint. I was a little bit worried that they might overuse Brittany S. Pierce after her surge in popularity, but I'm so glad my worries were unfounded. She had so many quotes, and nearly all of them were gold. And damn, Heather Morris, I love it when we get to see you really go crazy and dance! Awesome.
All of the Britney mania was inspired by an upcoming pep assembly at McKinley. The kids wanted to do something by Britney, while Mr. Schue was set on adult contemporary. Their Britney mania only intensified when Carl, Emma's new dentist boyfriend, played joyfully by John Stamos, put so many of them under anesthesia while doing dental work. Therein followed some great Britney homages courtesy of Brittany, Santana, Rachel and even Artie.

Will's resolve slowly weakened over the course of the episode when he was continually called uptight by multiple people, including Emma, Kurt, and Carl. He tried to remedy this by buying a car and joining the kids in a Britney group number at the pep rally, but after a sex riot gone wrong, found out that that's not what Emma wanted him to do at all. She just wants him to relax and be himself. These two will probably eventually get together, but not for some time yet.

Meanwhile, Finn is still feeling the sting of being cut from the football team. Rachel, meanwhile, starts to gain in popularity when she takes a page from Britney and starts dressing sexy. That all stops when Finn makes it back onto the football team, though (Artie gets to join, too, as Coach Beiste realized she was wrong about Finn's motives in asking to let Artie join). Rachel goes back to dressing normal and wants Finn to quit the team, despite him trying to reassure her that she's the only girl for him. She even tests him by having Quinn pretend to want to get back together with him, which he refuses. In the end, she realizes she was wrong, and we get a second Rachel solo of the evening, and the only song not by Britney Spears, in The Only Exception. You like how the song also nods to the fact that it's the only exception in an episode of Britney songs? Wink!

And that about wraps it up. Here's a rundown of the Britney performances featured this evening, in order from my favorite to least favorite.

I'm a Slave 4 You - Brittany

Me Against the Music - Brittany and Santana


Stronger - Artie

Toxic - Group Sing (a little overproduced, in my opinion)

(Hit Me) Baby One More Time  - Rachel

Quotes... and there are a lot of them:

"All right, who can tell me who Christopher Cross is?" - Will
"He discovered America." - Brittany
And Finn nods in agreement!

"Kids can't sing without teeth right?" - Will
"No, it wouldn't be singing, it would be gumming." - Carl

"I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist." - Brittany

"This room looks like the one on that spaceship where I got probed." - Brittany

"Are you a cat?" - Brittany

"I look forward to the day the paparazzi provokes me and I attack them." - Rachel

"Is this real life?" - Rachel

"You see what I'm talking about? They're personifying me!" - Finn
"Objectifying." - Rachel
"Whatever!" - Finn

"It looks like a Jewish cloud." - Brittany

"You look like a cast member of Kids, Incorporated." - Emma

"It's a Britney Spears sex riot!" - Sue

"I'm gonna take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of Blossom." - Sue

Previous Episode -- Next Episode

...Set: Glee 2x01 "Audition"

All of our favorite gleeks were back in action tonight (except for Matt!!), with a few new faces thrown into the mix as well. While Will and the rest of the club thought that their showing last year would have made them more socially viable, they soon discovered things are just the same as always. With a couple twists.
One, there's a new football coach in town, and her name is Beiste. I'm not sure the last time I heard a character name so on the nose! With her arrival also came the news that there would be some budget cuts in other departments - namely the glee club and also, to Sue's horror, the cheerios. This caused Will and Sue to form a tentative coalition to get rid of the Beiste together, which led to some immature pizza shenanigans that eventually turned more sinister, since this is Sue we're talking about here. Will saw the error of his judgmental ways and eventually came to Beiste's aid, which put him back on Sue's bad side. What would the world be without these two against each other?

While the "adults" were dealing with the new coach, the kids were trying to entice new members to join the club. First, they did a group number to Empire State of Mind in the quad area, which didn't really help any. But then, Finn and Rachel both met a couple of people that were serious possibilities. Rachel met Sunshine Corazon, a Filipino exchange student with a powerhouse voice. After having a mini face off in the bathroom set to Lady Gaga's Telephone, Rachel decided to sabotage the poor girl's attempt to audition by instead sending her to a crack house! Eventually the rest of the club found out and gave her a big solo audition in the auditorium, where she rocked Listen from Dreamgirls. The club was ecstatic, but their happiness was short-lived, because Vocal Adrenaline (thanks to a tip from Sue) came and snatched her away. This all led to a solo by Rachel, who had repeatedly been saying that she sabotaged the girl because she was concerned about the club when we all know it was her concern for herself that did it. Anyway, her solo was What I Did for Love. My least favorite tune of the evening, to be honest.

Finn, like I said, also found someone he thought would make a great addition to the club. That would be Sam Evans, a new kid in school who is also on the football team. He and the other guy gleeks performed Billionaire (I think my favorite song of the night) and things looked great. But then, he didn't show up for the audition for the rest of the club. Whatever could have happened?

This is what happened! Artie, hurt after Tina broke up with him and started dating Mike (hello abs!) over the summer, asked Finn if he could help him try out for the football team so he could win Tina back over. But when Finn tried to propose the idea to Beiste, she took her anger at Will out on Finn and kicked him clear off the team. No protestations with Principal Figgins got him back on the team, which led to a rather hilarious sequence of Finn trying out for the cheerios. I'm sorry Cory Montieth, but you are not a great dancer! That was so funny/bad. So anyway, Sam saw how easily Finn could be kicked off the team for being associated with glee, and being the new kid, didn't want to take such a chance. I think we can guess that he'll join eventually, though, right?

Other news: Santana apparently had a boob job over the summer, which leads to her getting kicked out as head cheerleader, paving the way for Quinn to swoop back in to claim her former role. 

And that's about it for this week! Next week is the Britney Spears episode, which I have to say looks kind of awesome.

Quotes:

Brittany: "People thought I went on vacation, but actually I spent the summer lost in the sewers."

Sue: "I guess they lost their humanity a little bit. One girl ate a pigeon. Several others started worshiping a possum carcass as their lord."

Puck: "Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?"
Sam: "I don't know, I've never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?"

Mercedes: "So is that a men's sweater?"
Kurt: "Fashion has no gender."

Sue: "Oh, and Boobs McGee? You're demoted to the bottom of the pyramid, so when it collapses, your exploding sandbags will protect the squad from injury."

Brittany: "Stop the violence."

Previous Episode -- Next Episode